So Small, It Must Cease To Exist

This is one of the 9 posts that are saved as drafts on my file here. I also have tones on my computer. And there's a lot of articles on my secret 'blog ideas' board on Pinterest. I've been learning I am more into politics and social values than I thought I was, so I have a ton of things I'm ready to talk about! Topics range from feminism, to conservatism, to marriage laws, to education, to social equality. I can't think of all the topics from the top of my head, but I'm just really excited!! For now I will continue my list of pet peeves and FAQ's.



Basic Get-to-know-you's. They don't bother me, but I'm just sooooooo sick of answering the same questions over and over. As mentioned in the previous post, I don't like small talk and the following questions precede small talk.

1. What are you taking? What year are you in?
   Business, specializing in Human Resources. Senior year.
2. What are your plans after graduating?
   I have no clue. Get a job for sure and save up for my next adventure. In the long-run I'd like to do worldwide humanitarian work and be a motivational speaker. But, I'll have to save up to do non-profit stuff and I have to go on crazy adventures and earn more degrees before I can qualify to be a motivational speaker worth listening to. I'm passionate about writing, teaching, and making a difference.
3. What do you do for fun?
   Depends on my mood, really. There's tonnes of things I like to do, but I need to be in the mood to do it. I love writing, public speaking, making videos, eating out, watching movies, dancing and singing in the privacy of my bedroom, and taking care of myself. Taking care of myself branches out to many girly things -- I like working out a lot, watching YouTube beauty tutorials and trying them, painting my nails, getting my hair done at the salon (I currently have the best hair stylist I've ever had), and shopping. I also like ice skating (though it kills my lower back so I can't do it as frequently as I wish), guitar hero, playing the piano and I recently just learned that I love nerf guns. I love the piano! I'm not the very best and I hope to get back to advanced lessons, but I love listening to a song and playing it right away (though I think I'm partially deaf, I can play songs just by hearing it without any sheet music). Sometimes I'll have a spur of the moment interest to try something new -- a couple years ago a bunch of my friends were getting married so I planned two Bachelorette parties, which led me to discover that I really like event planning. I also really wanna try camping and outdoor stuff; I've actually always wanted to try it, but my family was never really into outdoorsy stuff so I've been looking for friends who are into it who would like to go with me. Problem is all the camping equipment costs soooooo much money; last year my brother-in-law and his buddy went on a mountain climbing trip and he had SO much gear, it was overwhelming. I also wanna try martial arts and sewing. I love travelling and going to the beach too! I also really love teaching; it makes me feel smart and it's rewarding to see people learn!
4. What kind of music do you like?
   Depends on my mood also. I'm whatever the antonym for hipster is... I like whatever's on the radio and have no patience with indie. I love Katy Perry! I do like listening to old music too though; like Linkin Park, the top 40 from the 00's and 90's, and sometimes I catch myself listening to 60's rock and 80's pop and rock.
5. How's life?/What's up?/How are you?/How's school?
   90% of the times that I've been asked those vague questions, people didn't really care. I could be having a bad day and say I've had a great day and people still wouldn't be able to tell. These kind of questions do nothing but precede small talk. More specific questions like "what are you doing for the rest of the day?" or "how did that project you were working on turn out?" show a more genuine interest in someone's well-being. I have a friend who like me doesn't have a filter and he initiated a conversation with "what are your thoughts on abortion?" and it led to a deep conversation which I loved! But, I have to be in the mood to carry a deep conversation. If I'm not in the mood, please don't force it out of me. I'm an open-book and I don't have a filter, so if I wanted to say something, I would've said it.
6. Watch out! Kim’s on the steering wheel!
   Getting sick of those jokes...
7. [Any form of advice]
   This may make me prideful, but I'm not the advice-getter-type; I'm a venter. A lot of people assume that because I clearly have an issue when I'm ranting, that I'm looking for advice. Not so. I just need to vent and let it out. I need people to get me and where my viewpoints are coming from rather than having the last say and proving to be oh-so-wise. I'm assertive; if I need advice, I always ask for it straight-up. What's even more annoying is when people interrupt me (never, ever, EVER do that... it pisses me off immensely) and start saying what I need to do or change.

Finances are another category. Anyone who knows me well enough would agree that I'm an open-book. That is true, but when it comes to money, there's a wall there. I'm very private when it comes to anything involving money. How much money I make or have saved up on my bank account is nobody's business. That being said, I will only list the questions that I get asked (and don't enjoy getting asked) with regard to my financial state because I've already explained why I don't like them. I can answer all of them in four words: none of your business.

1. What does your dad do? How much money does he make?
2. How much money did you make in this job?
3. What's your source of income?
4. Is that [object that I own] authentic?
5. How much did you pay for it?
6. Wow, you paid more for your [whatever we bought] than I did for mine!

My Spiritual Progress is another thing I'm pretty private about. While I don't share my financial information with anyone except family members and my bank company, my spiritual progress  I share only with my bishop. I'll share it with others if I trust them and feel prompted to share it. The good things I've done I also keep to myself because the scriptures teach us that when we show off, we don't get blessings -- so I'd rather have God think I'm a good person and others have no idea about that. Some people can be insensitive to my privacy preferences and that's when my pet-peeves come along.

1. Have you ever [made this certain mistake]?
   I've had friends who were investigating the church or who were trying to overcome some things and wanted someone who could relate with their struggles. In these cases, I completely understand where they're coming from. Still, unless prompted by the spirit, the only person who needs to know any serious mistakes made should be your bishop and only your bishop. By this I don't mean that you should talk to your bishop every week and confess every single thing you've done that week and lo and behold you're forgiven -- when you make small mistakes, that can just stay between you and Heavenly Father. If it's something more serious, then you should talk to your bishop because he can help give you that extra strength in the repentance process (which in the case of serious sins, are longer). You should never feel obligated to share the mistakes you've made in the past with anybody, especially if you've repented for them.
2. Why did you [make that certain mistake]?
   Yes, I've had people ask me that. Why would you want to remind someone of something that triggers them to make mistakes? If they've moved past it, help them let it go and continue to progress.
3. When are you going on a mission?
   When I feel the desire to serve, when I am physically, mentally, and spiritually capable of serving, and when God approves of that decision.
4. Why aren’t you going on a mission?
   I'm a girl. I'll go if both me and God want me to go. I find that especially with the lowering of age for missionaries and the resulting numerous number of sisters who decided to serve, people think all girls are expected to serve. Every time I hear a guy say something like "I want to marry a returned missionary" I just want to put a dunce hat on their head. We (and this includes me) need to remember that because girls aren't expected to serve full-time missions as boys are, whether or not they decide to serve missions is up to God's plan for them. Just because they didn't serve missions doesn't mean they are less qualified to be wives or mothers. Any guy with this kind of mentality is less qualified to be a husband and a father (yeah, I said it). Some girls qualify themselves as wives and mothers through full-time missions, while some do through education, or others through their careers, or humanitarian work. God has different plans for everyone and as we keep the commandments and follow God's individual plan for us, we will reach our full potential as Heavenly beings. I'm not degrading the significance of serving a full-time mission though; my 5-week mini mission taught me so many lifelong lessons so I can only imagine that 18 months would be even more character-changing.
5. Here’s what you should do
   I'm 22 years old, I've lived away from my parents for 4 years now, and crazy as it sounds, I actually have a close relationship with God. Please take all these things into consideration next time you suggest how I should run my life. I get SUPER annoyed when I just want to rant and people interrupt me and start giving me advice I didn't ask for. JUST LET ME RANT! You can give me advice when I'm done (and preferably if I ask for it). If I ever need advice I always ask for it straight-up.
6. Things will be okay. You just need to have faith.
   Tell me something I don't know...
7. [Bringing up any PT’s that happened to go public]
   PT's mean past transgressions. Reminding me of all my screw-ups (even if they weren't serious) is a really bad idea. No one deserves to be exposed for something they regret doing, especially if they've repented for it. Even if you're just kidding or saying it as nicely as you possibly can, don't do it. Don't remind them of where they went wrong. It doesn't help build their faith in their potential at all.

I still have one more list of pet-peeves/FAQ's and then I'm done. This is probably the last list that really involves small talk though. I'm an extrovert, but I hate small talk. My closest friends became close friends through deep meaningful conversation. Sure, the first time you're talking to someone you'll probably find yourself engaged in small talk, which is fine. It's okay to wait until you're comfortable with a person to get deep. And, in my case, I save debates for when I know the person won't be offended by some of my controversial opinions. But if small talk is all a relationship consists of, I'd rather cut off the useless and meaningless relationship as a whole.

I know the last two categories don't qualify as small talk topics. However, like small talk, they are things you shouldn't talk about with someone you barely know if you want to get on their good side, right? ;) I hope you guys don't think I'm whiny when I make ranting posts. I just really feel inspired when I'm venting -- like I have lots to let out of my chest. So it's good!

Anywhoozle, I'm excited for my next post. HOLA!

Bull Ran Across Zebra's Ignorant Life

Hello my beloved readers!

Over 1400 views within only 27 posts?? You guys are the best!! I'm sorry I haven't written much. I just lack inspiration and time these days. Even though I have tons of drafts and ideas piled up on my blog file, I need inspiration to write about it. I hope you all enjoyed the sappy dragon story, and I hear some of you were confused. Long story short: I was lacking inspiration and I was challenged to write about dragons, crows and zombies on my next post. I didn't have any better ideas, so I thought I'd challenge myself by writing a story (which I haven't done in years but should get back to cuz it's actually really fun!) about things I'm not really into. I like being challenged!

Recently I've noticed a change in the pattern of my behaviour and social skills, especially when compared to when I was 18. I used to be very loud, energetic, bubbly, extroverted, and simply put, a show-off. Now I just like being a wallflower in social events, hanging out with less amounts of people at a time, and I've been too lazy/grumpy to go out of my way to meet people or talk to them. I also realized just how much I *loathe* small talk. I love having deep conversations and debates though! I also love people and spending time with them. But, more frequently than ever, I find that I've been in a little bubble and I get annoyed when people force themselves into it through small talk, FAQ's, or excessive physical touch

What's small talk? According to UrbanDictionary.com, small talk is "Useless and unnecessary conversation attempted to fill the silence in an awkward situation." I think the definition itself is enough to explain why I loathe it so much. It leads to an artificial social interaction, and quite frankly, I choose no interaction over an artificial one. I was hanging out with my buddy one time and we spent the entire day together. The beginning of the day we had lots of catching up and talking to do, which was great -- we had a very good talk and got really deep. Then, we ran out of things to say so we were quiet. In fact, towards the end of the day, there were complete silent points. And that was fine -- I love quiet moments where I can just zone out and meditate. He didn't bug me or ask me why I was so quiet, which was rare because people always do. He later was saying that he gets annoyed when he just wants quiet time and people try to force words out of his mouth, because it just makes everything artificial and he doesn't fear silence and that just because there's silence, doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I couldn't agree more with him.

I've come up with a list of questions I'm tired of answering or comments I'm tired of hearing -- tired either because they're asked/said so frequently, or because they're invasive. I decided to categorize them.

First, is about my background. People here look at me and they know right away that I'm not from here. But then I open my mouth and they get very confused. As a result, I get asked the same questions very frequently and get racist remarks every so often. So, I will address them once and for all.

1. What’s your ethnicity?
   Half-Japanese. Quarter-Italian. Quarter-Portuguese. I may have some small percentage of native Brazilian mixed with the Portuguese. I'm brown because my Japanese grandpa was brown -- not because I'm Brazilian. (Yes, we have many white people in Brazil! I can show you a picture of my white Brazilian friends!)
2. Do you wear contacts?
   No. I naturally have green eyes -- they go really dark, grey, golden, or turquoise depending on the lighting. My mom has brown eyes, and my dad has blueish green eyes.
3. Where are you from?
   São Paulo, Brazil.
4. Brazil? Wow! Why is your English so perfect?
   When I was six years old, my family moved to Switzerland where I attended an International school. For some reason, I spent my entire time there learning English so I never learned any other language. Then we lived in the States for a year and then when we came back to Brazil I went to an American school (kinda like how there's French immersion in Canada I did English immersion there) and graduated with an American High School diploma. Fun fact: I don't even have a Brazilian diploma!
5. So do you speak Spanish or Brazilian?
   Portuguese. There's no such thing as a Brazilian language, you dweeb. And yes, Portuguese and Spanish are similar and yes I can understand Spanish.
6. What’s it like in Brazil?
   I hate vague questions. What do you want me to say? It's warmer, more expensive to live in, people are more physically affectionate, front-line workers are rude, they have better food...?
7. How long have you lived in Canada?
   Since September 2010
8. What other places have you lived in?
   Born in Sao Paulo, Curitiba when I was 3, Sao Paulo when I was 4, Switzerland when I was 6, Belgium when I was 8, New Jersey when I was 8, Vinhedo when I was 9, Salvador when I was 13, Vinhedo when I was 14, Kelowna when I was 18, Belo Horizonte when I was 19, Kelowna when I was 19, Calgary when I was 21, Kelowna when I was 21 til present day.
9. What brought you to Canada?
   Canada is the country with the second largest land mass. And for a country so big, it is very underpopulated. Thus, to promote economic growth, the government started welcoming new immigrants with open arms. My family was invited to come up as permanent residents (meaning I have to live in Canada for two years out of every 5 year cycle, so there goes my plans to attend BYU). I applied to a bunch of universities and out of all the ones I got accepted to, I felt UBC Okanagan was the place to go.
10. Is it true that in Brazil all the women get plastic surgeries?
    Last I checked my nose and my boobs are still real and I'm still a Brazilian citizen.  Seriously, that's a dumb question. To answer it though, Latin-American women in general take care of themselves a lot more than Anglo-Saxon women. They shower every day, go to the beauty salon once a week, and they just like to look pretty. It's not a bad thing and it doesn't mean they're high-maintenance; it's just their culture. With regard to surgeries, I would say that plastic surgeons in Brazil are one of the best and therefore more surgeries take place there than here. Dr. Ray is Brazilian! And Brad Pitt apparently went down to Brazil for a cosmetic surgery too!
11. Is there a lot of exposure to pornography in Brazil?
    Women do not swim naked in the beach (that's Europe). I'd say getting access to it is a little easier than it is in North America, but that does not make Brazilian people more promiscuous (my other pet-peeve). Prostitution is illegal there and I've also never run into random naked people there. In fact, I hear a lot more sex jokes, see a lot more girls dancing like slut bags and offering themselves to guys, see less chivalry and respect from men, and run into more porn-addict guys here than in Brazil.
12. If you’re from Brazil, why is your dad white?
    Most southern Brazilians are white. (see question 1)
13. If you’re from Brazil, how did you end up in Kelowna?
    (see question 9)
14. Do they have it in Brazil?
    I don't get offended by that either -- I just get it asked so frequently and it gets annoying. Yes we have McDonald's, Pizza Hut, Starbucks, Subway, and Burger King. I can't think of anything else that people ask me. No Wendy's, Taco Bell, or A&W(and thank heavens for that!). Before you call it a dirt-hole, we have many restaurants that don't carry greasy unhealthy food and taste even better than all these other restaurants.
15. Kim is half-Asian, half-Brazilian.
    Biggest pet-peeve. There's no such thing as Brazilian ethnicity (again, because everyone's a mix of everything there); there's Brazilian nationality, which makes me 100% Brazilian.
16. [Any negative assumptions about Brazil]
    If you've never been to Brazil, you have no right to diss it. I complain about Brazil a lot, but that's because I lived 15 years of my life there, so I have that right. My arguments are based on experience; not my sheltered first-world-country perspective. Yes, there's poverty in Brazil like in any other country. It's a developing country. If you take into account the amount of natural resources it has (coffee beans, sugar cane, tropical weather, farming, etc.) especially the amount of taxes we pay the government, however, it's got everything it needs to be a first-world country. Why is it not there yet? Because our government is corrupt. Rather than investing in hospitals, making wages higher, or education, politicians have all these fancy benefits (the other day I found out our president spends over CAD$1K getting hair and makeup done -- all from our tax-paying pockets). So, if you're gonna look down on Brazil because it's still developing, diss our politicians; not us or our country as a whole.
17. [Any jokes pointing out my foreign background]
    Foreigner, immigrant, alien -- ha ha ha... those jokes are getting old. Seriously. I'm a permanent resident and as of last week, a citizenship applicant. The only difference between me and a regular Canadian is I don't vote or have a passport. But I will once I become a citizen! :)

I have other categories as well, but this post is already long so stay tuned for my next round of list of pet-peeves! If you have any more questions you'd like to know about Brazil, shoot em up and I'll be happy to answer them. I don't get offended with questions from people who wish to know more... I only get offended when people make assumptions or rhetorical questions based on those assumptions.

Love you all!! <3

The Dragon, the Crow, and the Zombie - Chapter 2

Another predominant feeling in Tristan was insecurity. Although he had never been defeated, he's been wounded four times -- each of which led to the death of those men. Tristan felt like he wasn't strong enough as a dragon because he allowed himself to get wounded. Although he eventually healed from those wounds, the pain he felt from the time he got the wound until he was healed was excruciating. Looking at the scars from those wounds reminded him of all that pain and of all that time it took for him to be strong again. This reminder hindered him from believing he was strong enough to rule anything. Indeed, he was a strong and mighty dragon who saw himself as a small and harmless fly. Not even the awes of men who came across his unparalleled refinement and size were enough to make him feel mighty.

There were occasions where Tristan let men into his cave just so he could see their reactions to his appearance, hoping those awes would be enough to fill the void he felt from his insecurities. The events from each occasion resulted the same way, but the first one was the only he could completely remember. As he heard footsteps approaching his cave on that occasion, he began to inhale as much oxygen as he could into his lungs to cool down all the fire building up in his throat. Once the fire cooled off, he was able to inhale and exhale freely without releasing any fire. As he did this, he was able to relax his muscles and thus unclench his fists. He was now safe to be interacted with. As he saw a man and a boy coming into his cave, he had to control his body to repeat this process as long as they were there. The men looked upon Tristan and were amazed at what they were seeing. 

The boy gasped. "What is that?" He asked.

"It's a dragon, son. Stay back." His father answered, putting his hand on his son's shoulder and pushing him back.

"It's beautiful." The boy said, without taking his eyes off the dragon, "I think he wants to play."

The boy took his father's hand out of his shoulder and ran towards the dragon.

"Get back here!" His father exclaimed, running after him.

By the time the father reached his son, the boy was already petting the dragon. The father fiercely pulled his son by his arm away from the dragon and rebuked him, saying, "Martin, don't ever disobey me! You could have been killed!"

"Just look at it, father." The boy said.

The father looked up at the dragon and was immediately captivated by its tameness and somehow couldn't control himself to stay back. The closer he got, the more he realized the dragon's eyes changed colour from a fiery gold to crystal blue. He was taken away by the dragon's hard, yet bright skin. He couldn't comprehend how something so stiff could be so colourful. He just had to touch it. As he did, he could tell the dragon not only refrained from attacking him, but liked it. He began stroking the dragon's arm. As he did, he felt something in his arm. When he looked at it to see what it was, he saw a massive scar that looked like it came from a blade.

Tristan wasn't happy that the humans saw one of his scars and as a result his muscles immediately tightened again. It was as if those scars could speak to his mind and tell him they were just men, and rhetorically asked him what accomplishment would it be to have a human marvel at his appearance. Men were nothing, compared to such a great dragon as Tristan. Having a man marvel at his soundness was thus not difficult to attain, and therefore it wasn't enough to diminish his insecurity. Frustrated at his failure to diminish it, Tristan took it out on those men by blowing fire at them until they ran away. 

As they ran out of the cave, the father held his son's hand and said, "Run for your life Martin, or this monster will kill us!"

The word monster hurt Tristan. Little did those men know the story behind those scars. Ironically, letting anyone into the cave increased Tristan's insecurities more than diminish them.

As Tristan concluded recollecting this memory, he heard footsteps. However, these footsteps had a much slower pace than of those he was accustomed to hear. In fact, it sounded as if he heard a step and a drag. This sound was so unusual to Tristan, putting his guard down was easy because even his instincts took a rest to allow him to discover what it was that approached him.

The step-and-drag rhythm was consistent, but the volume was progressively louder. This was so new to Tristan he had absolutely no fear of letting this visitor in. Part of him asked, "Wouldn't it be safe to put your guard up a little? What if this visitor is stronger than humans? Or worse -- you?" Deep down Tristan knew he was putting himself in danger, but his curiosity was so great he didn't feel like he had to control himself as he used to whenever visitors came to his cave. As a matter of fact, it got to a point where he needed to start the fire in his throat and sharpen his claws himself should he decide to guard himself. Usually all of this happened naturally and automatically with the sound of one footstep. Never did he have to put in any effort to protect himself when reacting to visitors until that moment.

He didn't know if this was because his curiosity was greater than his survival instincts or if this visitor was a safe creature that could potentially be the one to fill that void he had been feeling. His hopes to fill his void were so high, he was convinced that this visitor was the one to fill it. For the first time ever, his body allowed him to let someone in, which was a great sign for him and sparked even more curiosity. "What is it about this visitor that allows my body to let him in?" He needed to know. He couldn't wait another second to see who it was, so he started moving towards the sound of its steps.

As John moved towards the end of the cave, he heard heavy steps coming his way. He noticed his breath quickened its pace and his whole body began to shake. He kept moving. Suddenly, he was able to identify his physiological reaction to the sound of the steps - fear. It couldn't be. He was a zombie, and as such he was incapable of feeling. However, he was experiencing an emotion called fear. For the first time ever, he was feeling something within him without having to eat anyone's heart or brain. He realized that the closer he got to the sound of the heavy steps, the more his body reacted to it. Despite the fact that running away should be the common reaction to fear, he kept moving.

The zombie and the dragon kept moving, not knowing what they were to encounter. There was something about what they heard and felt from each other, however, that kept them moving. Nothing, not even fear or old scars, stopped them from moving. Both of them just felt the urge to discover what they were about to encounter. The distance and the time from where they started moving to where they were heading felt like the longest journey ever taken.

To be continued...

The Dragon, the Crow, and the Zombie - PART 1

The story is set in a village named Rimrock. It was your typical village that consisted of struggling European immigrants looking forward to building their American dream. They escaped into ships hoping to find a land where they could develop prosperity, self-sufficiency and religious freedom. A visitor to Rimrock could encounter any resident of that village and easily see right through them -- struggles, and hope for a better future. This village was divided in half by a river of crystal clear water that led to a cave inhabited by the dangerous dragon. Tristan was a beautiful dragon -- he was about 17-feet long, dark red skin, and eyes that looked like they were always on fire. Those who gazed upon him were enthralled by his beauty, grace, strength, and power. Men feared him, because of his exceedingly great size and heat in his breath of fire. There were two types of men Tristan encountered: those who feared him and ran away from him and those who tried to slay him.

What the men didn't know, however, was that there was a lot more to Tristan than meets the eye. Anyone who encountered such a great dragon would assume he was dangerous and heartless. However, it wasn't yet discovered by man that dragons had emotions as humans do. Tristan's predominant emotion was loneliness. Although his physical stature qualified him as ruler of the Rimrock village and all the other villages nearby, he still felt inferior to its residents. You see, the residents of Rimrock had something to look forward to -- the American dream. They had families. They had friends. They had attainable goals. Tristan had no other dragons to associate with nearby that he knew of and he had no one to express his feelings to. He didn't even bother trying to interact with humans because they either avoided him or attempted to kill him. He's heard many humans point their fingers at his cave, warning each other of the monster living in it.

Tristan wasn't a monster, and he wasn't out looking to kill humans with his sharp claws or his fiery breath -- well, at least most of the time. Tristan was the culprit of only four deaths, which is a pretty good number for a dragon like him. He had a genuine desire to be accepted by mankind and not be seen as a monster, but every time anyone got close to his cave his survival instincts triggered fire in his breath and the sharpening of his claws that was so out of his control that he was given seconds to choose between killing someone or scaring them away. For some unknown reason to him, he just couldn't let anybody in his cave. And every time he heard footsteps of people running away from his cave, he felt his heart drop. This hurt him more than his mouth burned from all the fire. He felt empty. He knew he needed to let someone in, but he just didn't know how to without fearing being slain. "Maybe it's better that I'm slain than to feel this void." Tristan thought to himself, "What is the point of living if it is an unhappy state for me?"

As these thoughts were running through Tristan's mind, a virus infected the village of Rimrock. A virus so strong the death rate for Rimrock multiplied by ten within two months. As Rimrock lost its residents to death, the very first to die found themselves in a state of neither dead nor living. Their physical appearances changed drastically but were still recognizable. In this state, commonly known as becoming a Zombie, those residents were no longer human. Their blood turned cold, their thirsts were quenched by nothing but warm blood, their hungers were relieved by the consumption of human bodies (particularly the heart or the brain), they could no longer speak or form words or sentences, and their desires and needs were simplified. When they were humans, their schedules consisted of working, strengthening social bonds, and meeting their physiological needs. As zombies, however, their schedules consisted of solely meeting their physiological needs (which consisted of eating and drinking). They didn't sleep. They were incapable of feeling. Their long-term goals changed from fulfilling the American dream to eating a human brain.

Eventually there were no more live humans for these zombies to feast upon. They looked everywhere in the village for more without any luck. It got to a point where there were absolutely no humans inhabiting Rimrock - just zombies, animals, and the dragon. The lead Zombie, John, was the first man to be affected by the disease. Because Zombies were incapable of communicating through speech, they followed their leader John by his example. John could see there were no human bodies for him to consume. He decided to resort to animals. He saw a beautiful black stallion run across a field. Taken away by its beauty, he desired it for himself. Having much experience with hunting his prey, John successfully paralysed the stallion and aggressively started at its brain. The reason for zombies' preference to hearts and brains is they collect their preys' information such as memories, emotions, and hopes. This gave them much satisfaction because it made them feel accomplished. They felt like they finished their lives through the past of others. This form of vicarious living filled the void they felt from never having accomplished their American dream.

The downside to that, however, is these memories and emotions were only played for the zombies during consumption. As soon as they swallowed the very last bite of the heart or brain, that pleasure of living through someone else was gone. This temporary and immediate gratification made them crave for more in the least amount of time possible. The more brains and hearts they ate, the more they realized they lost their lives to this undead state they found themselves in, and thus the more craved for it. That feeling of consuming something that tasted so delicious and at the same time triggered so many emotions that could never be found any other way, was better than any feeling they had as humans. That was all these zombies sought for all day and all night.

As John took the first bite of the stallion's brain, he saw fields. He didn't understand this vision at all, and this confusion stood in the way of his pleasure. He hoped that taking another bite would clarify the vision so he could start enjoying his consumption. He took another bite, and kept seeing fields. He resorted to the heart, hoping to get some emotion. As he took his first bite, he felt nothing. He took another bite, and still felt nothing. He concluded that consuming this horse gave him no memories or emotions and thus no pleasure or satisfaction. He didn't even eat the rest of the horse, and just left the wasted dead body of what was once a beautiful black stallion, to decompose on its own. Had he known how undesirable this stallion tasted, he would've allowed to live. But it was too late; this was horse already and not benefiting anyone through this death.

Incapable of feeling, John, the zombie leader, felt no remorse and carried on, searching for the next available brain to eat. He dove into the river and allowed the current to take him away. He came across the dragon's cave and was taken away by how secluded yet beautiful it was. He had never seen something so bright before. Its beauty stemmed from its uniqueness. He was so used to breaking into homes, that he had no knowledge of what caves were. He recalled seeing it from a distance and avoiding it because it seemed like a difficult and distant target. This time, however, he was so close and it was so beautiful to him he just had to go in and look for the next brain. John made the decision to go in the cave and aim for the heart. He wanted to add feeling to this beauty he had just witnessed.

To be continued...

Lovers' Day Delayed

My fellow readers,

It's almost 4AM. I am currently wrapped in a blanket after waking up from an uncomfortable nap. By uncomfortable nap I mean, have you ever watched a movie and fell asleep through it and woke up on the couch, movie's done, and you're too wide awake to go to sleep sleep but you should cuz you have to be at school at 8am? I hate those. I could and should be studying for my business law midterm which is taking place tomorrow night (or, I guess tonight) since I still have one more chapter to make q-cards for but I'm just NOT in the mood. I've been studying all friggin weekend and my brain is way too dead to absorb any additional information. What's nice is that I have a 12-hour school day so I'll have 5 and a half hours to study. It really only takes a little less than two hours to go through a chapter, which still gives me like 3 hours to actually memorize my q-cards and that. I might commit some spelling or grammar mistakes as I write this post, because I'm so tired. Like, I'm too tired to do anything useful but I'm too wide awake to actually put my head on the pillow and sleep.

I'm so excited for tomorrow to be over. Tomorrow night I will be writing my last midterm and, though I'll have to start worrying about my assignments again and my finals in a few weeks, I feel like a huge weight will be taken off my shoulders. Seriously. I've been studying my butt off for my midterms, so not only do I deserve A's, but I also deserve a break or a treat or something. I haven't hung out with friends (except on my birthday which was only for like 3 hours), I haven't had time to focus on my road test, get my Canadian citizenship application going, job hunt for the summer (AH. NERVOUS!), blog, work out, or go grocery shopping and cook for myself. I seriously have just been taking drive-thrus all week on my way to school, it's insane! I need to start being more frugal! But I keep looking ahead and hey, in less that 24 hours this'll all be over. :)

I just realized I didn't do a Valentine's day post. I probably forgot. So I guess I'll do it now since I'm running out of ideas. I came across a video by some movie critic dude on the top 11 strangest couples. Some of them I had no idea who they were, but I still enjoyed watching it. He's insightful and I like the details he picks up on each relationship, which takes an insightful person to pick up on. Not to mention the obvious fact that the details he picked up on were realistic things that every relationship faces outside the movies.

About a year ago I was on a date with a dude and as we're getting to know each other and asking each other questions, he asks me what are some things I look for or that I find to be important in a relationship in order for it to work. Though my answer here will be different from the answer I originally gave him, I will answer it to you guys.

When I was a teenager, I used to think that couples shouldn't fight, that they should love each other unconditionally, and not give each other reasons to start fights. If they do fight, they must not be right for each other. That was when I still believed in soulmates. Then I started witnessing numerous divorces in my stake, two of which involved the husband being a bishop, some where they'd been married for over 20 years and had kids, some even had grandkids. This opened my eyes to reality. Marriage isn't a walk in the park for anybody. Every couple is composed of two imperfect people whose heads may clash. I remember thinking to myself, "I don't ever wanna get married because this is too hard and I don't think I could have the strength to stay married if those people couldn't. If I do get married, it would have to be to someone I never fight with, who's 100% patient and perfect for me and whose flaws I can put up with. In the meantime, I'm gonna work on myself to make me an easier person to be married to."

Little did I know that no matter what I did or who I dated, I will NEVER be perfect and neither will my husband be. And my marriage will NEVER be perfect. I have this friend who I don't get to see very often anymore cuz she's so friggin busy and lame. But I love her. Anyways, back in the day where she used to come over all the time and stay up til 5AM talking to me, she was saying how arguments are actually healthy for relationships. Not arguments like you're yelling at each other, insulting one another and competing to see who's right and who's wrong, but just communicating and being completely open and honest with your spouse. For someone who naively held this belief that couples shouldn't fight, that blew my mind. I didn't disagree or anything like that, but it definitely opened my mind.

I've come to realize that it's true. I'd way rather be with someone who I've clashed heads with in the past but at least was able to make things better from there, instead of someone I'm not happy with but I'm not comfortable being honest with (or the other way around) and just stay that way. Obviously I don't want to marry someone I constantly fight with, but I do want someone I can communicate with openly and honestly. I think what makes someone communicable in a relationship is just loving and caring about the other person (even when you want to rip their head off) to the point where you're willing to listen and learn how to make them happy. When you love a person (even if it's the love you have for friends), you go out of your way to make them happy. Seeing them down makes you down. Seeing them succeed makes you feel accomplished. Seeing them hurt makes you upset. You can't rest until you see that person smiling again. That's not a sappy-chick-flick-movie feeling because I can honestly say that that's how I feel about my friends and family. As Brooke Davis once put it for me, "I used to be a bit of a bee for the sake of being one, but now I'm a bee for the sake of my friends and family. You do NOT wanna test that." Another thing that makes someone communicable is having traits like humility, tough skin, or a genuine desire to be better and more Christlike. When you're teachable, tough and you want to be better, your ears are open to any constructive criticism.

However, there's a balance that people need to find that I failed to establish on previous posts. You'll notice I always talk about how we shouldn't be passive-aggressive and that we should stand up for ourselves and let people know how we feel. I wholeheartedly believe that. How many times do I see people (especially women) with no confidence in themselves to open up so they just keep it in but they eventually get frustrated that there's no change so they just explode? So being honest is important for me. Looking at it from the other person's perspective, I'd way rather my partner tell me straight-up "Kim, please don't do/say this. It hurts my feelings." right away then if he didn't say anything and acted all weird and denied that anything was wrong if I asked. I have an impulsive problem-solver personality; if something is wrong (and it bothers me) I NEED to get it fixed right away so it won't be on my mind. I see that with my relationships, my house, errands, school, and work. It drives me crazy when I need to wait for something first in order to fix it. So for me, I NEED to get problems out of the way as soon as I can. I could never be one of those couples who say "let's just go out for dinner and forget this whole thing happened" before we can first sit down and have a rational exchange of thoughts. Or else I won't know what I do that hurts or bothers him and I'll do it again and he'll be upset. So I definitely don't want one of those sweep-it-under-the-carpet-and-pretend-it-never-happened relationships. But yes, if the problem is solved then I for sure think doing something relaxing that brings you closer together after you work things out is an excellent idea.

Here's what I failed to establish though: there's a way for you to be honest without being a jerk or a bee or nagging. Yes, you should be honest. But you don't have to raise your voice, name-call, accuse, assume, or hurt your partner in order to do so. There's a difference between "Oh my goodness you're such a douchebag! I HATE it when you say stuff like that, it pisses me off." and "When you say that, it hurts my feelings because of this and that." I remember learning that when you're giving your spouse feedback, you should always start your statements with "I feel" and to be very specific when you're pointing out things they did or said and how you interpret them. It's important to remember that people don't intend to hurt you, and most of the time it's the way you take it rather than their intentions that leads to the frustration. Another thing to keep in mind is nobody's perfect and in this life, nobody will ever be. I notice a lot of women constantly beak on their husbands for a bad habit they have, but fail to acknowledge their effort. That's where the Homer & Marge Simpson part of the video hit me. Homer screws up, but Marge sees potential in him and she knows he's trying, and that's why she accepts him and keeps coming back to him. It's so important to observe and to commend people for at least trying, because it means they want to change.

Another thing I've learned the hard way is sometimes you just need to drop it. I don't know if this happens with you guys, but sometimes someone will say something that upsets me the moment they say it, but give it a few minutes or a day or two to cool off, I forget and it doesn't bother me. So sometimes I do get genuinely hurt or upset, but I deliberately don't say anything right away for two reasons: first, it may not phase me if I just give myself time to cool off and second, if I say something now I'll probably say things I'll regret once I cool down. I've learned to ask myself "okay, is this really worth an argument? does this comment/action truly have a direct impact on my happiness with this person? will I get over it give it a day or two? if someone were to say what I'm about to say, will I be able to take it well?" before giving people constructive criticism. Otherwise I'll find myself nagging at those I love.

That lame busy friend of mine that I mentioned earlier also made a comment that kind of shook me at first. We were hanging out with a newlywed couple who was telling us that they fought earlier that day (which was true, but were only telling us with the intention to shock us) and the wife said, "it's important to find someone who works well with your temper so you can work things out" and my friend said, "Yeah, I totally wanna fight with my husband before we're married just to see how we are when we're at our worst and to know if our tempers work together and if we can work things out after". That's where my opinion of fighting changed. I thought if a couple doesn't fight before they're married, they'll have less problems when they do get married. True; if you're constantly fighting with your boyfriend, you're probably gonna keep fighting (if not more) with him after you're married. But what could also happen is you're dating a dude and everything's all fairy-tale and happy, you never fight, so you get married thinking they're perfect for you when really, you made that decision before you have the chance to really see their flaws. That's why I don't believe in the Mormon short-term relationships. There's exceptions, but I know that for me, I'd like to date my husband for a longer time than your average Mormon couple before deciding to seal myself to him. I wanna know as many of his flaws as I can so there won't be any surprises, because let's face it: on dates and when we're with people we're really into, we're on our best behaviour. Not because we're tricking anyone, but because it's a natural instinct. So I want to give it time.

I have another friend who was dating this dude. They were constantly fighting. I asked her, "At what point do you know it's time to stop trying to make it work?" She said when you realize you don't want to marry that person then it's time to stop trying. Which she eventually did. Adding on to that, I think it's important to establish a difference between a cycle and reality. A cycle is when you guys fight because of reason A. You work it out. Later, reason A shows up and the situation is exactly like the last one and you fight. You work it out. Later, reason A shows up with the exact same situation again, you fight and probably say the exact same things. And so forth. In this cycle situation, it's as if there was no effort from one or both the parties to work on that. Or maybe there was but the other party failed to acknowledge it. Whatever the case, that's not a situation a relationship should have unless you learn to let it not phase you anymore, because it'll just be constant frustration and no progress. Reality is when you guys fight over reason A. You work it out. Reason A comes up again and that'll lead to frustration, but your argument or scenario is different in the sense that once you do work it out, reason A is better comprehended by both parties. You work it out. Then reason B comes up. You work it out like you did with reason A. Then reason C. You work it out like you did previously.

In the reality scenario, yeah there's reasons A, B, and C whereas in the cycle all you got is reason A. In the reality scenario, however, each reason is a building block to getting to know your partner better, growing close to them, learning how to make each other happier, and loving them more. In the cycle scenario, reason A is a hammer that's tearing down all the other building blocks. So I think to answer the question I asked my friend earlier, if after you work things out you feel stupid the fight even happened and just want to make up for it and never let it happen again, if you feel like you know them and your relationship better, and you feel closer and that you love them more, that's where you know it's worth trying. In the cycle scenario, I think you'll eventually get tired of trying and in the reality scenario, you just want to keep trying because you see things progressing and it's rewarding to stay with that person.

Here's some love songs whose lyrics relate to this topic. Of course one of them had to be by Katy Perry!