Following the example of Jesus Christ by serving in Relief Society

I'm sorry I suck! I haven't had time to think about what to say in this blog. Right now I am in Calgary (left Kelowna this afternoon) working on my paper for one of my classes due Friday which I just started today. It's supposed to be 2,000 words long and I already got 1,000!! Woot woot! Then tomorrow I'm flying to BRAZIL! I'm so pumped for hot weather, running into people, and food! And beach! I'm going to the beach! But yeah, I've been so busy this week... I haven't even had time to go Christmas shopping or let alone think about what I want! Then my laptop started this thing where it overheats and shuts off every 5 minutes so I guess I know what I need for Christmas! Right now I'm using my dad's super light, fast, touchscreen laptop by Sony Vaio. It's so nice! MacBooks are nice, but I'm more comfortable with Windows still.

So what I'm thinking is since I'll be too busy swimming at the beach, being with my family&friends and getting a tan for the next four weeks, my blog posts will be travel diaries. Y'all cool with that? Sweet. Hope you enjoy it!

Last Sunday I gave a talk in my ward and the theme was "Following the example of Jesus Christ by serving in Relief Society". Apparently people liked it so I'll just copy-paste the notes from my talk here:

One of my biggest shocks coming in to Relief Society from Young Women’s was not having Personal Progress. Personal Progress kept me busy during my six years in YW, and it gave me a sense of purpose and direction. Then I come to Relief Society and it was a weird adjustment not having a booklet with a list of goals to accomplish. It took me a while to truly understand what it was about this organization that sets it apart from all others and what my role was.

The Relief Society declaration helped me better understand my role not only as a member of Relief Society, but also my role in society as a woman and as a daughter of God:

“We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.

Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.

Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.

Delight in service and good works.

Love life and learning.

Stand for truth and righteousness.

Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.

Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation.”

Isn’t that beautiful? The longer I’ve been a member of this organization, the more I realize that there is so much more to women than bearing children, cooking, and cleaning. Elder Quentin L. Cook made the following declaration with regard to women: “The priesthood leadership of this Church at all levels gratefully acknowledges the service, sacrifice, commitment, and contribution of the sisters. Much of what we accomplish in the Church is due to the selfless service of women. Whether in the Church or in the home, it is a beautiful thing to see the priesthood and the Relief Society work in perfect harmony. Such a relationship is like a well-tuned orchestra, and the resulting symphony inspires all of us.” That talk was such a good ego boost.

I know that we are daughters of God. We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us, and we love Him. The best way to show that we love Him is by loving and serving others.  I’m going to be very cliche right now and quote the lyrics to As Sisters in Zion, because they give me the goosebumps and hopefully you will feel the spirit as well:

“As sisters in Zion, we'll all work together; The blessings of God on our labors we'll seek. We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor; We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

The errand of angels is given to women; And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim: To do whatsoever is gentle and human, To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission, If we but fulfill it in spirit and deed. Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.”

I truly believe that when we reunite with our Heavenly Father the first thing He will ask us is “How have you helped my brethren?”. We hear talks in church all the time about how Christ-like women are and how we have divine attributes and pretty much just how naturally awesome we are. Not to sound like a total feminist, but all of this is true and I stand by it. But moreover, I would add based on that and the lyrics of As Sisters in Zion, because we are given those qualities and capacities, it is our duty as women to utilize them to serve. Our purpose here on Earth is to comfort the weary, strengthen the weak, do whatsoever is gentle and human, and cheer and bless in humanity’s name. If we’re not doing those things, we are not fulfilling our Earthly mission. There is a reason as to why our motto is “Charity never faileth” and why the name of our organization is Relief Society - not women over 18, or the cooking club - we are a society of relief.

With regard to charity, there is a super awesome scripture in Moroni chapter 7 if you’d like to follow along, starting on verse 45: “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, and is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Now here comes my favourite part: “If ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail-” So pretty much, you can accomplish whatever you want in life, but if it wasn’t out of charity it’s worth nothing. Isnt that intense? I love it!

I really like this part too: “Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.”

How can we, as sisters in zion, follow the example of Jesus Christ and serve in Relief Society?

1. Love every single sister in your ward or branch: Sometimes it can be a challenging thing to get along with everyone. We’re all different and none of us are perfect so we will all at one point end up hurting someone’s feelings. If we have caused hurt to someone, let us decide to humble down and sincerely apologize to those whom we’ve offended and not do it again and strive to be loving and kind from that point. If someone has caused hurt to us, let us strive to forgive them, regardless if we’ve received an apology or not. Jesus Christ himself said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” as he was mocked and crucified. People who don’t deserve our kindness are the ones who need it the most. There is nothing more rewarding than the feeling we get after reconciling with someone and offer them nothing but love and kindness. I promise that as you do that you will feel God’s appreciation and you won’t regret it.

2. Visit-teach Those of you who are in YSA are probably thinking: “Of course the Visit Teaching supervisor would advertise visit teaching. I’ll just zone out now [Yawn]” - but hear me out! This is totally not biased, but my favourite part of being in Relief Society is visit teaching. I just love to talk and give lessons, and the spirit I feel every time I do it. That was never really a problem for me. However, after leaving my parents’  house and facing the challenges of adulthood, I realized how much I relied on the love and service of others. That opened my eyes to a whole other purpose of visit-teaching; the purpose of visit teaching is to get to know the sisters on your route, love them, identify their temporal and spiritual needs and their struggles, and do everything you can to uplift and serve them to the best of your ability. Visit teaching is a lot more than just dropping by a sister’s house and summarizing the message from the Ensign - it’s about being a friend and genuinely loving and serving them. I’ve developed so many friendships from this program.

3. Magnify your callings Sometimes we are given callings we are not too excited about. But what I do know is that our bishop, along with his counsellors, know what they are doing. I know they are called by God. I know that every calling they assign to us is inspired. I know that as we magnify our callings we will draw not only those involved in the calling, but also ourselves closer to God. Callings provide us with the opportunity to serve and become like our Saviour. My dad always said that when judging our worthiness to enter the celestial kingdom, God won’t ask us what callings we had; rather, He will ask what we did with our callings.

4. When the presidency announces a favour one of the sister needs, volunteer to do it: I am so grateful to all those sisters who volunteered to let me keep their stuff in their storage space every time I went home for the summer. I’m so grateful to all you sisters who have gone out of your way to help me or anyone else in need. I’m so grateful for your examples of service and dedication in uplifting others. You make me want to be better. You are all amazing, and God is so proud of you.

5. Do missionary work: Not to be one of those who discuss their PT’s on the pulpit, but I’ve been bad at this. So what I’m about to say goes to me as well. Other than parenthood, missionary work is the most heart-softening task someone can accomplish. It changes us for better. It brings us closer to God. It helps us appreciate the gospel in our lives. It’s challenging, but so rewarding. It is like sugar cane - hard, but sweet. Some of us do not meet the situation in life where serving a full-time mission is an option, and that’s okay. There are so many other ways we can do missionary work; we can go out with the sister missionaries, we can befriend any investigators or less actives, we can introduce our friends to the gospel or invite them to an activity, and we can (and should) be an example.

6. Commit to making one person smile every day: earlier this year I went through a very challenging trial in my life that took every drop of energy and faith in me to move forward with my life. One night I was praying for some sort of relief from what I was facing. The answer I got was: “Kim, have you made someone smile today?” And I realized I was so caught up in my own problems that I failed to acknowledge the needs of others. At that moment I knew there were people out there who like me, were also facing challenges, if not harder ones. And as I came to that realization and acted on it, I was so blessed it felt like my problems somehow didn’t phase me anymore. It doesn’t have to be anything big - it can be a simple smile to a stranger or a homeless person and wishing them a good day, a genuine compliment, a hug, or telling someone you love and appreciate them.

My mother always taught me that when you’re having a bad day, go out and serve someone and that will make your day better. I’ve learned that to be true and I encourage you to try it. The more you serve, not only will you grow closer to Jesus Christ, but you will understand and appreciate your role as a woman more than any other way. As the hymn says, “Love one another as Jesus loves you. Try to show kindness in all that you do. Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought - for these are the things Jesus taught.”

(Hymn #223) I’ve got a few questions for you to ask yourself, as you go about your week:

1. Have I done any good in the world today?
2. Have I helped anyone in need?
3. Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
4. Has anyone’s burden been lighter today because I was willing to share?
5. Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
6. When they needed my help was I there?

Obviously I didn't say it exactly like that - I said a lot more jokes and would be prompted to say more things on the spot now and then, but it's the gist of it. Love you all!

Miss Mottola

How's life?

Hello my lovely readers,

I just want to tell you guys how much I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, comment, like the posts on Facebook, and/or suggest new posts. Without you this blog wouldn't have made it far. I'm the worst with consistency. But you guys are the reason why I keep going, so thank you!

This week, however, I've been super busy with school. And this upcoming week I have two huge papers to work on, a presentation to prepare for, get as much of my visit teaching done since I leave in 10 days (and I have 6 sisters on my route), my driver's test tomorrow (and if I don't pass I will keep trying until I do, or until I leave town for the holidays), a talk next Sunday, my trip to Brazil prepare for, getting back to the gym and all the other end-of-the-year shenanigans! I honestly forget to eat with everything going on. My friends have to feed me and remind me to eat, it's pretty ridiculous.

But I'm pretty excited about my test tomorrow, and crossing my fingers it'll all work out! I'm so pumped to go to the gym with one of my best friends in Kelowna Mel-mel! It's been too hectic for me to go to the gym, but having one of your best friends going with you is a good motivator! I don't have a lot of friends who are girls here in Kelowna (hence why sometimes I may behave like a dude), so I'm grateful to her existence!! Not to mention that I will be in Brazil hitting up the beach for two weeks and swimming pool for the remainder of my time and I have pretty much one week to work towards not embarrassing myself by wearing a bathing suit ya know! And I love them gym!!! I'm not sportsy at all, but I open my heart to cardio rooms and zumba classes like a kid to a teddy bear.

I'm also VERY excited about my talk this Sunday. I won't tell you guys the topic just yet, mainly because I have a feeling I will drift away from it. But I love giving talks!! So come watch it!! 696 Glenmore Road at 1pm this Sunday Dec 8th!! I also need to trim my hair cuz it's got split ends. And I have tons of papers to work on. And there's all the people I've been meaning to either Skype or hang out with since September. AH! Life's crazy! Trying to manage my time wisely, organize everything that I need to get done and still keep up a positive attitude and not snap at the people I love when finding a source to release my frustration. So if I go all sassy latina on you I apologize in advance!! I promise I'm nice! AH and I just realized I forgot my Shepherd's pie out of the fridge and now I have to throw it out. SO MAD! I need a hug!!

Anyways, sorry for my ramble, I just have so much on my mind that I can't think straight to write anything insightful at the moment. I try to drift away from talking about my personal life in my posts, but honestly this is all that has been on my mind. But the church is true and God is real! I've felt the truthfulness to this so vividly lately. And I love you guys!! Hopefully this won't bore you and I hope next week I'll have time to write something good. I mean, I have some stuff written up already but I need the inspiration to edit them and stuff. The picture in this post is just a random selfie on my phone from this summer that never made it to Facebook for some reason. But you guys rock and that's all that matters!! :)


Love,
Miss Mottola!

Roaring the Part of Me

As most of you may know, I’m a Katy cat. Now before you assume I’m a 14-year old in my brain, let me explain why. Watching her documentary, particularly in the scene prior to her show in Sao Paulo, Brazil, I could relate to her. And I think that’s how it goes for most of us – we don’t truly grow close to someone until one of us is facing a difficult obstacle in front of the other. Call it marketing all you want, but seeing a celebrity courageously go through a difficult time, publish the symptoms of it, and do her best to go through it with integrity, dignity, and grace, earned my respect.

Another reason as to why I love Katy is her music helps! Sometimes you listen to a song, don’t think much of it, but then when you go through an experience that relates to the song, you love it. Even when you’ve moved on from that experience, that song still resonates in your heart. And it can be any song – a love song, a breakup song, a female empowerment song, a let’s-go-crazy song, or whatever other categories there are.

There’s quite a few of her songs actually that have meaning to me (i.e. Wide Awake, Hummingbird Heartbeat, Roar, etc.) and if you want I can talk about some of them, but tonight I want to talk about Part of Me. Though not the most recent Katy song to speak to me, it’s had so much meaning in my life and has held true to me for so long that it is the one where I’d be the best able to talk about. Another interesting thing about this song is it’s helped me through more than one situation in my life, but I’ll talk about one of them.

I went through a really hard time in my life. I can’t go into specific details about what it was that was troubling me out of respect for my own privacy. (No, it was NOT a boy or a friend, by the way.) But what I can say is it was a trial that put everything I had in jeopardy – my life, my education, my career, my goals, my happiness, my hopes, and my motivation to keep going. I was devastated. I felt like I had lost everything in my life, and I had no idea if I’d be able to get through it or let alone how.

Well, the adversary took advantage of that wonderful opportunity he had to try to mess with my head. Thoughts ran through my mind such as “What’s the point in getting out of bed if you’re worthless?”, “You don’t deserve to be happy; that would eventually hurt you even more later”, “If you’re not happy, no one else should be”, “Are you sure anyone’s listening to your prayer?” “No one will answer your prayers, so don’t bother”, “Don’t bother asking for help. No one can help you”, “You will never get through this, so just give up”, and “Why bother going to church?”. I knew he was rejoicing in my misery. I knew he was hoping I’d listen to him. I knew he smirked at every tear I’ve shed.

I don’t like talking about him. It makes me feel bad. That’s probably why he likes it so much when people talk about him. But sometimes, you need to know your enemy so that you can overcome and defeat him. So here’s what I know about him: he hates us. He hates seeing us pray. He hates seeing us being kind to others. He hates seeing us serve and uplift others. He hates seeing us succeed and make good choices. He throws parties when he sees us making bad choices. He loves seeing us held captive in our addictions (such as drinking, drugs, pornography, sex, etc.). He loves seeing us sad. He loves seeing us fight with one another. He loves it when we skip church. He wants people to be as miserable and as lonely as he is. Could you imagine the thought of never being able to progress?

He is determined to drag us down to his level and abandon us in the dark. What may seem like fun and pleasurable at the moment will later result in long-lasting remorse and guilt. And he knows that. Don’t allow yourself to be another prisoner. He has no friends. He will never offer you anything but misery. He’s the father of all lies. One time, when I was in my insecure teenager phase, I was telling my sister I didn’t think I was pretty. She answered, “That’s Satan talking.” And I never thought of it that way. But it’s so true! He puts us down in all aspects.

Anyways, back to the song and my story. So I went through a really hard time and I felt like crap. I felt like I had absolutely no purpose in life. I felt like a piece of nothing. I felt like I wasn’t good enough at anything or for anybody. I barely had motivation to get out of bed. So yeah, he “chewed me up and spit me out, like I was poison in [his] mouth. Took my light and drained me down.” “I fell deep and [he] let me drown.” I could’ve thought of a million reasons to grow bitter, leave the church, and cut off my belief in God.

But part of me kept me from doing any of that. Part of me reminded me of all the spiritual experiences I had as a teenager that testified to my heart that God lives. Part of me reminded me how much I knew the church was true and that leaving it would only make my situation worse. Part of me reminded me of many people out there who were probably going through an even more difficult time who needed to be helped. Part of me reminded me that I had the most amazing family and friends who indeed helped me through it. So “that was then and this is now, now look at me: This is the part of me that [he’s] never gonna ever take away from me.” He could “throw [his] sticks and [his] stones, throw [his] bombs and [his] blows. But [he’s] not gonna break my soul.”

So I kept a smile on my face, even though some days it was a struggle to hold back the tears. I stayed in church and I’m still active to this day, and never stopped believing in God for one second. I know God lives. I know He is our loving Heavenly Father. He’s real. He loves us like we can’t imagine. He knows everything about us and He truly listens to our prayers. No mistake we’ve made can diminish His unconditional love for us. The adversary might’ve made me feel like nothing for a bit, but that’s over for good. “Now look at me, I’m sparkling. A firework, a dancing flame. [He] will never put me out again, I’m glowing.” I will never let anyone take away my dignity or grace again, no matter what else is taken away from me. No one can take away my assurance that God lives and is watching over me. “In fact [he] can keep everything except for me.”

What I like about the video is she becomes a soldier after the break-up. She got tough. She became a fighter. Moreover, as she was healing from the heartbreak, she was simultaneously training to be a warrior. That has so much significance to me, because from what I interpret, is when times get hard we don't sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. We get up, move on, get strength and do something with ourselves. Not necessarily becoming a marine in a literal sense; but doing something with yourself that'll help you move on and become stronger. Why? Because God can't move a parked car. How can we expect to learn from an experience if all we're doing is laying in bed, crying it off and feeling sorry for ourselves? That's just showing our adversary he's defeated us and surrendering. Yes, we can and should cry it off. But we should also get back up and let God help us defeat the enemy. My favourite character from One Tree Hill, Brooke Davis said, “There’s a day that you realize you’re not just a survivor; you’re a warrior.” Isn’t that powerful and so true? And that day has definitely come for me. Life isn’t about one dragon you have to defeat and then you live happily ever after – it starts with the small dragon. Once you’ve defeated it, a bigger one comes along. Then after you defeat that one, an even bigger one comes along. Why? Killing the smaller dragon gave you the skills, the speed, and the strength needed for the next one. A bigger one came along to prove that and to provide you with additional strength for an even bigger one.

They say trials are there to make you stronger, and though I don’t completely disagree with that, I can’t say I agree with it either just yet. Maybe I am stronger but I just don’t know it. What I can definitely say, however, is trials are there to indicate just how strong we really are. I think about how Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac so he could see for himself just how faithful he truly was, and how that applies to us. It’s interesting to see how you handle a new obstacle; it makes you look back and realize how much you’ve matured and learned from the previous experiences. They also showed to me who my true friends really are, what it means to sincerely love and care about someone. They made me a more selfless person, which is how I know I needed them because I’ve always struggled with selfishness and self-centredness; my whole life everything was always about me, and once I hit the brick walls of life I saw how much I relied on the selflessness of others and how much my being selfless to others minimized my problems. They also made me less impulsive, which is another thing I still struggle with.

How am I doing now? I’m doing great! I’m totally gonna sneak in lyrics from a different Katy song to better express how I’m doing: “I went from 0 to my own hero. [He] held me down, but I got up – already brushing off the dust. Hear my voice, hear that sound like thunder gonna shake the ground. [He] held me down, but I got up – get ready cuz I’ve had enough. I see it all, I see it now.” And here come’s my favourite part: “I got the eye of the tiger, the fighter, dancing through the fire. Cuz I am a champion! And you’re gonna hear me roar louder, louder than a lion cuz I am a champion! And you’re gonna hear me roar.” Ok, not literally roar. But when I think of roaring, I think of faithfully maintaining your integrity, dignity, and grace through all the fiery darts that come your way. Doing so is like roaring, because in the world we live today, we’re expected to be tough, feisty, and ballzy and not let anyone get away with anything. Yes, you should stand up for yourself and be honest. But you don’t have to sink down to someone’s level and cause harm to them just so you can feel good about yourself. That’s why to me, being graceful and maintaining your class and a smile on your face takes a heck of a lot more strength than does losing your temper, seeking revenge or taking a bad day out on someone . That’s how I roar. “Roaring” so loud, no sticks or stones can break my bones.

Feminism in Love life, Education/Career, and Character

I came across this link on my newsfeed and it stirred up in me the inspiration to discuss feminism. With regard to this prep school, I really like their approach. But I’m pretty sure girls can learn to be smart and accomplish things without a prince in their home and in other universities as well. Ok, moving on. With everything going on with regard to this obsession some women have with feminism, I thought I’d talk about what feminism means to me by telling you all the story of my life on three regards: love, education/career, and character.

I was born in the early 90’s at a time where Disney princesses were still cool, chivalry wasn’t dead, psychotic Latter-day women weren’t protesting against the church to receive the priesthood, and feminism was about granting women basic human rights rather than assimilating themselves to men. As a kid I loved Disney movies, princess dresses, and playing house and my mother never discouraged me from liking those things as a child. To this day, I still believe as women and as daughters of a Heavenly King that we are princesses destined to become queens depending on the choices we are making. I also haven’t eliminated in me the desire to start a family.

However, as soon as my pre-teen years hit me my mother started to instruct me on marriage and finding your career path. I’ve already said this in my ‘Droppin the S’ post, but in case you haven’t read it, I will tell you guys again. As soon as I realized cooties weren’t real, I was taught that life wasn’t about finding your prince charming and to make things that are under your control (like your education, character, career, relationship with God, and being the best person you can possibly be) a priority and the rest will come when you’re ready. And my dad would also always say that he’d rather see my sister and I happily single than unhappily married.

As I entered my High School years my eyes were opened to reality. Through personal heartbreak, I learned (and continue to learn now as a young single adult) that finding the right guy isn’t easy, which some of you may know too. They say that all the heartbreak and hurt you feel on this path will all be worth it once you meet the right person and that all of this is there to teach you what to look for and avoid in a partner. Yes, the pain that I’ve felt and the tears that I’ve shed definitely woke me up to the knowledge of what I truly deserve. But I can’t say it’ll all be worth it in the end. Why? Unlike what the fairy tales teach us, marriage is not the happy ending. When I was in High School, I witnessed countless divorces in my stake. They were difficult to watch, but I knew at that point that no matter who you marry, your spouse won’t be perfect and neither will you, and that is why marriage is a lot of work. Yes, you’ll be in love (hopefully) and what-not, but I don’t believe the hardships will end from the moment you say “I do”.

That is what feminism means to me on that regard – falling in (unconditional) love and making selfless sacrifices for that person you fall in love with is a good thing, and does not make you weaker as a person. In fact, it is what makes you strong and a light to the selfish, radically independent world that we live in because of how much work and commitment is required in the reality of making it work. But that is not what life is all about, and that is not the only accomplishment we are capable of fulfilling in this life. So I’m with the radical feminists when it comes to not sitting around waiting for the prince to come, but at the same time I don’t believe that falling in love makes someone weak or emotionally flimsy.

Radical feminists also believe women should be smart and successful, of which I agree. The media paints a very unrealistic illustration of what those things mean, however. Being in High School I learned that, contrary to what bullies used to tell me in Middle School, I’m actually pretty smart and capable. I got really good grades and SAT scores, and got accepted into a really good university. Even being in university I’ve had professors and classmates compliment me. But that doesn’t mean any of it was easy. I still have moments of insecurity after receiving low marks on assessments, or when I experience frustration in job hunting. Managing and balancing time is also not an easy task and I’ve had teammates and people from church get frustrated with me whenever I fail in fulfilling my responsibilities and duties. So to me, being smart doesn’t mean you won’t experience failure.

All of us fail sometimes and it’s okay; we get back up and move forward and try a little harder. You don’t have to have the answer to all the questions out there to be smart. You just need to work hard, pursue knowledge, and from there you find out what you’re good at and not. Smart girls are viewed as nerdy, serious, or witty. But you honestly don’t have to be any of those things to be smart or capable. Being loud, silly, or hyper doesn’t make you stupid – from what I recall, an antonym to loud is quiet; not smart. An antonym to silly is serious; not smart. An antonym to hyper is unenthusiastic; not smart. Being quick-witted isn’t an indicator of intelligence either; you can still be smart without having a witty answer right away. Some people like to think and ponder to give an even better answer. Nerdy people are just… nerdy. I know so many people who are cool and fun, and still really smart at the same time. So don’t try to be the stereotypical smart to prove that you’re smart. Just be yourself and discover your capacities!

A common mistake people make is to automatically associate being successful with being rich or on the top of the industry you’re working in. Of course the money you make and the position you’re at is an indicator, but it does not mean you’re successful. Reading case studies in school and even seeing my dad work his way up the corporate ladder opened my eyes to the reality of the corporate world. It’s glamorous; people making money from showing up to work all dressed up in their nice offices in a big city. But I learned the corporate world is also tough, which may be why some people think overcoming it makes you successful. My definition of being successful is to figure out what job makes you happy and provides you with your needs, getting that job, and fulfilling your duty in that position to the best of your capacity. You can be a successful elementary school teacher, for example – even though you make less than $50K a year and you’re not on the cover of any magazines, the fact that you stimulated confidence and hope in a child makes you a successful teacher. It is not how tough getting the dream job is that makes you successful – it is how well you’re doing that job.

Last, but not least, character. The world tells us that to be strong you need to be tough, ballzy, and aggressive. One of my favourite quotes discards that idea: “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” – Margaret D. Nadauld.

You can have be most faithful spouse and have the most successful career, but if you’re not kind to others and are not willing to serve people you’re as good as a homeless person is at landing the CEO position at Goldman-Sachs. I truly believe that when we are reunited with the Saviour, He will not ask how many children you had or what kind of a job you had – he’s gonna ask how you treated His brothers and sisters. He suffered the worst of sufferings for all our sakes because He loves each and every one of us and it hurts Him to see us being mistreated.

Now I do plan on making a post about kindness, so I will try not to go into too much depth for now, but what I can say is kindness matters and always will regardless of the trends. It feels good to be ballzy and tough to people who deserve it, but it feels even better to be forgiving, loving, and kind to those same people. Try it out! When someone is mean to you, respond in kindness and love and I promise that you will feel the Saviour’s love and appreciation for that. As you turn the other cheek and humble yourself you will draw yourself closer to the Saviour because you are doing exactly what He did when He was mocked, whipped and crucified. He is the ultimate push-over, and that doesn’t matter to Him because of just how much He loves us.

By and by we see women who are ballzy enough to stand up for themselves and return the harshness as strong and courageous. Even in movies, the protagonist is worshipped for slapping someone across the face. I beg to differ with that idea of what a strong woman is. It takes a lot more strength and courage to be humble, to forgive, to be kind, and to serve those who haven’t necessarily earned it or let alone would ever appreciate it. You may argue that they need to understand where they went wrong so we need to be harsh and call them out. To that I testify that God lives and He is aware of everything! He knows more than the biggest gossip in your ward. In His own time and in His own way, what goes around comes around. Leave the judging and the consequences of someone’s mistakes to Him. In the meantime, pray for them and be forgiving and kind.

The Saviour Himself taught: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22: 37-40) and to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

Now a hot topic has been these crazy feminist approaches to receiving the Priesthood. I think people have already said what they needed to say on this regard – women have their own divine purpose, men and women complete each other, men don’t bear children for the same reason, the prophet knows better, etc. These are all true, and I may even do a post all about this topic. But what I can say for now is the priesthood isn’t a right. Entering the workforce so that you can earn money is a right. Choosing who to marry is a right. Voting is a right. Driving is a right. Receiving the priesthood is not a right; it is a sacred trust God has given to the men and shouldn’t be taken lightly or whose manner of administration should be protested against on national television or YouTube. The priesthood is so amazing I can understand why only some can hold it. Priesthood holders act on God’s name. God has trusted them. Who are YOU to tell God who to give this trust to?

Our world has a twisted notion of feminism where these radical feminists SEEK for any way our society may diminish a woman’s role or contribution to it. Back in the day it was about granting women basic rights. Now? Women want to be just like men, or worse, above them. Now I don’t want you to think that by “just like men” I mean women can’t be CEO’s, judges, engineers, run for president, or any of those things. Some women take it to the EXTREME and it’s stupid. Angelina Jolie, for example, I think she’s amazing and she’s done great things with her life. But dressing her daughter up like a boy to break the stereotypes is a retarded notion of feminism. A lot of girls hate chivalry too, and that makes me sad. Not letting a guy open the door for you doesn’t make you strong or edgy; it just makes you stupid.

Droppin' the S in the YSA

YSA is like that awkward puberty phase regarding your social status in church; you’re not really a kid in youth cuz you’re an adult living on your own and starting your career, but you’re also not taken seriously because you’re not married with kids. It’s also the wonderful moment in your life where the decisions you make now will greatly affect the rest of your eternity; your career, your dating life, your schooling, your church activity, etc. So it’s exciting to be a YSA! What I love the most about being a YSA is I get to be an adult living on my own but I still get to party lots and travel the west coast! I love it!!

Whenever I meet someone new and I'm getting to know them (particularly when s/he is a Mormon) I am always asked what I’m doing with my life (schooling, career-wise) and if I’m dating anyone. It’s totally fine; I don’t mind answering those questions, I'm an open book, and I ask those questions to YSA people too! But after a while it does get a little exhausting repeating myself over and over. And yes, people have asked me why I’m still single, which I don’t think you should ask anybody unless you’re best friends with them. But tonight I am going to answer that question once and for all: I am not married because I haven’t found the right person (or at least gotten to know that person). Simple as that.

I guess they assume that because I'm Mormon and active in the church, that marriage is my #1 pursuit and priority, so I won't be annoyed with these kinds of intrusive questions because it's already on my mind 24/7. I guess it’s true for a lot of YSA out there. But what they don't know, however, is that I was raised by a mother who, despite having married young, always taught us to make our education, careers and personal growth a priority and the rest will come when the time is right. I was also raised by a dad who always said he’d rather see us forever single than to see us unhappily married.

I’m not a perfect person. In fact, I’m far from it. So I like to think of my time as a bachelorette as my last chance to become better so that my husband will have less to put up with. Like when you have an exam in a couple weeks and you just wanna write it already to get the semester over with – rather than complain about the fact that your semester isn’t over yet, use that time to study for it so you can kick it in the face.

John Bytheway, in his “What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Single” fireside, compared marriage to playing a duet on the piano; you can’t do it by yourself so you need to find someone who can and wants to play it with you. To me, adding on to that, my philosophy is to enjoy the time you have as you sit alone on the piano to practice your part of the duet so that when the partner comes along, you’ll be playing it right. Sure, going on dates is a lot of fun. Flirting is therapeutic. Even being in a relationship with someone you like is pretty awesome. But neither of those things bring me as much happiness as does achieving something I earned on my own or when I strive to become a better person. And as John Bytheway put it on that same fireside, you can’t control when you get married, but you can control your relationship with God, how good of a person you are, and your career path. People who focus on things that they can’t control become miserable and unattractive.

And yet, people make assumptions about my level of happiness based on the fact that I don’t wear a ring around my finger. People also like to list reasons as to why they think I’m still single (such as selfishness, commitment-phobia, or pride) when the truth is, I’m only single because I haven’t found someone I can’t live without who makes me completely happy, who God approves of for me, and who I can actually see myself starting a family with. My other pet peeve is when people try to tell me what I need and/or should look for in a husband and wedding. Why I don't like it? The first obvious reason is it's nobody's business. This is the most important decision I'll ever make, because it will affect me, the victim who kneels across the altar from me, and my posterity. The thought of that already freaks me out a little and thus makes me want to keep it just between me and God. We don't need to make it worse by having uninvited, intrusive people butting in. The second reason which ties along to the first is if I could pick my wedding date, it wouldn't be for a while. So when these people keep bringing marriage up, it makes me feel under pressure and annoyed. It's ok to joke about it once, but if it's all they talk about, I will eventually want to punch them in the face.

Now don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of good people who got married young and are happy! I’m not saying I look down on people who get married before they finish their schooling. I do, however, look down on ambitions that are focused solely towards marriage and family. Why? Well, that’s not something you can control. I don’t believe in soul mates, but I do believe God has the perfect timing for us. I have a buddy who didn’t get married until his late 20’s and he’s incredibly happy because that gave him time to meet a lot of girls, get to know himself and find out what he really wanted and therefore his wife was worth the wait. On the other hand I also have a friend who got married when she was 20 and she’s so happy with her husband, and I noticed how much she grew and matured since she started dating him and how incomplete she would be without him. So, there’s no universal right age for everyone – you’re ready when you’re ready. Should the opportunity to be sealed for time and all eternity to someone that God approves of for you come and you feel prompted to do so now, take it, no matter how old you are or how bad the timing is.

Personally, I feel like I’ll be happier as a married person if I enjoy my singlehood as much as I can and learn to be completely happy with myself first. I know people who got divorced because they got married so young they felt like they barely had a bachelorhood, and I can relate to that because I’m a free spirit and I love to have fun. There is so much that can be accomplished in life that you can actually control. If only people knew how to use their time as a single person more wisely, they’d be so much happier. We can control how well we do in our careers and our spiritual progress, so that should be our focus – not finding an eternal companion. Because like I said, it’s all in the Lord’s timing. And if it so happens that I’ll be single for the rest of my life because I didn’t feel God’s approval for anyone who came around, then I choose that over being unhappily married to someone God didn’t approve of.

Sister Oaks, who didn’t get married until she was 53, is one of my role models. Not because of the fact that she got married late, but because she didn’t let it get to her. She focused on her studies and on her mission on Earth and moved forward. She said one day, however, she was sad because of the fact that she was still single and so she asked for a priesthood blessing from a leader. In it, he said “If you cannot bear the difficulties and challenges of single life, you will NEVER be able to bear the challenges and difficulties of married life.” Here is a link to the fireside. I recommend it!! It was really good:

Maybe it’s easy for me to say all of this because I’m so young and I’m just about to start my career. I truly am happy where I’m at with my life. I love my family and friends with all my heart and would give my life for them if needs be. I have truly amazing people in my life who inspire me to be better. I have wonderful leaders, I have the gospel in my life, I love the university I currently attend, I love being at a different city every weekend partying it up, I love having my alone time, I love the extra time I have for myself, and most importantly, I love knowing with no shadow of a doubt that I have someone in my life who completely accepts me for who I am: me. I know people who are older and are unhappy because of their relationship status. I feel sorry for them and I hope they’ll develop happiness, though not having had the opportunity to marry in the temple. But what I do know is whether in this life or the next, EVERYONE will have that opportunity. So long as you are keeping your covenants, striving to learn your part of the duet as best you can, there’s nothing to worry about. The only downside of being single is having to hear these annoying, repetitive things people say to us.

“If you’re so happy being single, why are you upset when people tell you to get married or offer you advice you didn’t ask for?” You might ask. Well, I don’t like being judged. The same way I take offense when people tell me I have no desire to serve the Lord when I tell them I’m not going on a mission, I take offense when people make inaccurate assumptions as to why marriage isn’t on the top of my to-do list. It gets to the point where I feel like they want me to be miserable to prove their points that only married people are happy. I also feel like I’m being patronized, like the only reason as to why I’m single is because I haven’t heard enough advice. And most importantly, it is nobody’s business. People forget how sacred and big that decision is and only remember the ‘Mormon rite of passage’ side to it and that makes me sad. I hate that a person’s accomplishments are viewed by some members of the church as incomplete unless they’re married.Yes, the sealing ordinance is a commandment, but the Lord never said it HAD to be done in your early 20's (or worse, late teens).

I came across this article written by an accomplished 36-year old lady on how to handle the "Why aren't you married?" question. It was SO good! She didn't have to be a Mormon for everything she said to be true. And I knew it was all true because I even felt the spirit when I read it! I seriously would copy and paste every single word she said into this post and call them my own, because I wholeheartedly agree and relate to everything. I hope you guys will take the time to read it!

I’ll conclude this rant with my testimony of marriage. Contrary to what a couple people have told me, I do have a testimony of the sealing ordinance. I’m grateful that my parents lived clean, worthy lives that allowed them to enter the holy temple and be married for time and all eternity. I know that families can be together forever. I know that no matter what happens to the members of my family, I will get to live with them someday. That knowledge is what keeps me going. My grandparents have all passed away, and it’s sad because I miss them – especially when I go through times where I know only one of them could help me go through with it. I would’ve given anything to have my grandma around when I was a teenager struggling with everything teenagers go through or my grandpa when I have kids because he’s always yearned to meet his great-grandchildren. But at the same time, I know they’re watching over me. I know they’re in a better place. I know if I live a faithful life, I will get to live with them for all eternity through that sealing ordinance. I’m so grateful this ordinance has been restored here on Earth. To me, that is our purpose here; to live so that we can be with the ones we love for time and all eternity. 

Love,

Miss Mottola :]