Feminism in Love life, Education/Career, and Character

I came across this link on my newsfeed and it stirred up in me the inspiration to discuss feminism. With regard to this prep school, I really like their approach. But I’m pretty sure girls can learn to be smart and accomplish things without a prince in their home and in other universities as well. Ok, moving on. With everything going on with regard to this obsession some women have with feminism, I thought I’d talk about what feminism means to me by telling you all the story of my life on three regards: love, education/career, and character.

I was born in the early 90’s at a time where Disney princesses were still cool, chivalry wasn’t dead, psychotic Latter-day women weren’t protesting against the church to receive the priesthood, and feminism was about granting women basic human rights rather than assimilating themselves to men. As a kid I loved Disney movies, princess dresses, and playing house and my mother never discouraged me from liking those things as a child. To this day, I still believe as women and as daughters of a Heavenly King that we are princesses destined to become queens depending on the choices we are making. I also haven’t eliminated in me the desire to start a family.

However, as soon as my pre-teen years hit me my mother started to instruct me on marriage and finding your career path. I’ve already said this in my ‘Droppin the S’ post, but in case you haven’t read it, I will tell you guys again. As soon as I realized cooties weren’t real, I was taught that life wasn’t about finding your prince charming and to make things that are under your control (like your education, character, career, relationship with God, and being the best person you can possibly be) a priority and the rest will come when you’re ready. And my dad would also always say that he’d rather see my sister and I happily single than unhappily married.

As I entered my High School years my eyes were opened to reality. Through personal heartbreak, I learned (and continue to learn now as a young single adult) that finding the right guy isn’t easy, which some of you may know too. They say that all the heartbreak and hurt you feel on this path will all be worth it once you meet the right person and that all of this is there to teach you what to look for and avoid in a partner. Yes, the pain that I’ve felt and the tears that I’ve shed definitely woke me up to the knowledge of what I truly deserve. But I can’t say it’ll all be worth it in the end. Why? Unlike what the fairy tales teach us, marriage is not the happy ending. When I was in High School, I witnessed countless divorces in my stake. They were difficult to watch, but I knew at that point that no matter who you marry, your spouse won’t be perfect and neither will you, and that is why marriage is a lot of work. Yes, you’ll be in love (hopefully) and what-not, but I don’t believe the hardships will end from the moment you say “I do”.

That is what feminism means to me on that regard – falling in (unconditional) love and making selfless sacrifices for that person you fall in love with is a good thing, and does not make you weaker as a person. In fact, it is what makes you strong and a light to the selfish, radically independent world that we live in because of how much work and commitment is required in the reality of making it work. But that is not what life is all about, and that is not the only accomplishment we are capable of fulfilling in this life. So I’m with the radical feminists when it comes to not sitting around waiting for the prince to come, but at the same time I don’t believe that falling in love makes someone weak or emotionally flimsy.

Radical feminists also believe women should be smart and successful, of which I agree. The media paints a very unrealistic illustration of what those things mean, however. Being in High School I learned that, contrary to what bullies used to tell me in Middle School, I’m actually pretty smart and capable. I got really good grades and SAT scores, and got accepted into a really good university. Even being in university I’ve had professors and classmates compliment me. But that doesn’t mean any of it was easy. I still have moments of insecurity after receiving low marks on assessments, or when I experience frustration in job hunting. Managing and balancing time is also not an easy task and I’ve had teammates and people from church get frustrated with me whenever I fail in fulfilling my responsibilities and duties. So to me, being smart doesn’t mean you won’t experience failure.

All of us fail sometimes and it’s okay; we get back up and move forward and try a little harder. You don’t have to have the answer to all the questions out there to be smart. You just need to work hard, pursue knowledge, and from there you find out what you’re good at and not. Smart girls are viewed as nerdy, serious, or witty. But you honestly don’t have to be any of those things to be smart or capable. Being loud, silly, or hyper doesn’t make you stupid – from what I recall, an antonym to loud is quiet; not smart. An antonym to silly is serious; not smart. An antonym to hyper is unenthusiastic; not smart. Being quick-witted isn’t an indicator of intelligence either; you can still be smart without having a witty answer right away. Some people like to think and ponder to give an even better answer. Nerdy people are just… nerdy. I know so many people who are cool and fun, and still really smart at the same time. So don’t try to be the stereotypical smart to prove that you’re smart. Just be yourself and discover your capacities!

A common mistake people make is to automatically associate being successful with being rich or on the top of the industry you’re working in. Of course the money you make and the position you’re at is an indicator, but it does not mean you’re successful. Reading case studies in school and even seeing my dad work his way up the corporate ladder opened my eyes to the reality of the corporate world. It’s glamorous; people making money from showing up to work all dressed up in their nice offices in a big city. But I learned the corporate world is also tough, which may be why some people think overcoming it makes you successful. My definition of being successful is to figure out what job makes you happy and provides you with your needs, getting that job, and fulfilling your duty in that position to the best of your capacity. You can be a successful elementary school teacher, for example – even though you make less than $50K a year and you’re not on the cover of any magazines, the fact that you stimulated confidence and hope in a child makes you a successful teacher. It is not how tough getting the dream job is that makes you successful – it is how well you’re doing that job.

Last, but not least, character. The world tells us that to be strong you need to be tough, ballzy, and aggressive. One of my favourite quotes discards that idea: “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” – Margaret D. Nadauld.

You can have be most faithful spouse and have the most successful career, but if you’re not kind to others and are not willing to serve people you’re as good as a homeless person is at landing the CEO position at Goldman-Sachs. I truly believe that when we are reunited with the Saviour, He will not ask how many children you had or what kind of a job you had – he’s gonna ask how you treated His brothers and sisters. He suffered the worst of sufferings for all our sakes because He loves each and every one of us and it hurts Him to see us being mistreated.

Now I do plan on making a post about kindness, so I will try not to go into too much depth for now, but what I can say is kindness matters and always will regardless of the trends. It feels good to be ballzy and tough to people who deserve it, but it feels even better to be forgiving, loving, and kind to those same people. Try it out! When someone is mean to you, respond in kindness and love and I promise that you will feel the Saviour’s love and appreciation for that. As you turn the other cheek and humble yourself you will draw yourself closer to the Saviour because you are doing exactly what He did when He was mocked, whipped and crucified. He is the ultimate push-over, and that doesn’t matter to Him because of just how much He loves us.

By and by we see women who are ballzy enough to stand up for themselves and return the harshness as strong and courageous. Even in movies, the protagonist is worshipped for slapping someone across the face. I beg to differ with that idea of what a strong woman is. It takes a lot more strength and courage to be humble, to forgive, to be kind, and to serve those who haven’t necessarily earned it or let alone would ever appreciate it. You may argue that they need to understand where they went wrong so we need to be harsh and call them out. To that I testify that God lives and He is aware of everything! He knows more than the biggest gossip in your ward. In His own time and in His own way, what goes around comes around. Leave the judging and the consequences of someone’s mistakes to Him. In the meantime, pray for them and be forgiving and kind.

The Saviour Himself taught: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22: 37-40) and to “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

Now a hot topic has been these crazy feminist approaches to receiving the Priesthood. I think people have already said what they needed to say on this regard – women have their own divine purpose, men and women complete each other, men don’t bear children for the same reason, the prophet knows better, etc. These are all true, and I may even do a post all about this topic. But what I can say for now is the priesthood isn’t a right. Entering the workforce so that you can earn money is a right. Choosing who to marry is a right. Voting is a right. Driving is a right. Receiving the priesthood is not a right; it is a sacred trust God has given to the men and shouldn’t be taken lightly or whose manner of administration should be protested against on national television or YouTube. The priesthood is so amazing I can understand why only some can hold it. Priesthood holders act on God’s name. God has trusted them. Who are YOU to tell God who to give this trust to?

Our world has a twisted notion of feminism where these radical feminists SEEK for any way our society may diminish a woman’s role or contribution to it. Back in the day it was about granting women basic rights. Now? Women want to be just like men, or worse, above them. Now I don’t want you to think that by “just like men” I mean women can’t be CEO’s, judges, engineers, run for president, or any of those things. Some women take it to the EXTREME and it’s stupid. Angelina Jolie, for example, I think she’s amazing and she’s done great things with her life. But dressing her daughter up like a boy to break the stereotypes is a retarded notion of feminism. A lot of girls hate chivalry too, and that makes me sad. Not letting a guy open the door for you doesn’t make you strong or edgy; it just makes you stupid.