Ten Things Every Teenage Girl Should Know

Hi everyone!

I apologize for the delay. I usually make my posts every Friday and last Friday I ended up going to Lethbridge for the weekend and I didn’t take my laptop. Then when I came back it was all just a crazy busy week! And when I did have time, I just lacked inspiration. It’s funny though. I’ve already written over three posts to be revised before published, but I just lack the inspiration to revise it and add or remove ideas to make it perfect, you know?

So I know I owe you guys the final post to the guarding your heart series. It’s written, but, I don’t know. For some reason I’m just not feeling inspired to revise it and make a post about it when it’s not really on my mind. So I made another post, which was kind of a rant, and it’s written, but I was also lacking the inspiration to proceed. So basically I have 5 posts written and saved on my files here that just need some tweeking before getting posted. And yet, I haven’t published them. Why? Well, when I write something and publish it on the internet, I wanna feel what I write. I want what’s on my mind and on my heart to reflect on my writings. And honestly, I’m really not feeling it to talk about guarding your heart. Maybe next week. So that being said, I’m interrupting it to talk about something else.

So my best friend’s mother-in-law shared a status her friend made (so the credits don’t go to me at all), but I thought I’d copy and paste it here because it’s good advice all girls and women should hear.

Here goes:

“TEN THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER/NIECE/GIRL:

1. If you choose to wear shirts that show off your boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls’ shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls’ boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up. If you don’t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don’t. You want respect. All attention is not equal.
 

2. Don’t go to the tanning bed. You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.
 

3. When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on Facebook, we know exactly who you’re talking about. People are smarter than you think they are. Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.
 

4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama. Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in.
 

5. “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever.
 

6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in its proper place: subject to truth and reason.
 

7. Smoking is not cool.
 

8. Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” First of all, that’s not true. And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift. Your reputation matters – greatly. You should care what people think of you.
 

9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention. Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you. Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego. Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can’t have it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t. There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households. The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.
 

10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don’t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.
 

There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
 

You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.
 

You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.
 

You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough.”

I’d like to send a special shout-out to whoever it was that wrote this. I hope whoever wrote it has a teenage daughter and/or is in a leadership position. We need more women who think like that. We need more women who are confident enough not to compromise their standards, their inner beauty, their integrity, their self-respect, their love for themselves, or their image to others. We need more women who are proud to be smart, who are kind, who set goals for themselves and strive to reach them. We need more women who don’t constantly seek for attention in order to feel good about themselves. We need women who understand what true beauty is and pursue that kind of beauty. We need women who stand up for what they know to be right, who aren’t afraid to express their beliefs without being overbearing, and who are sincere.

These 10 things made me reflect on the kind of person I want to be and what I’m doing right now to be that person. So, I’m gonna keep setting goals for myself! I wanna be the kind of woman who follows these 10 things so that when motherhood knocks on my door I can teach my daughter(s) through my example. I know I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m far from it. But I also know people can change and improve if they work towards it.

Anyways, those are my thoughts until the next post!

Love,

Miss Mottola

Guarding Your Heart By Thinking Ahead

What’s up my beautiful readers! Whoever you are, whatever your ethnicity, age, religion, gender, favourite One Tree Hill character, you are beautiful! Because you are taking the time to read my blog and that makes you a beautiful person!

So I got some pretty good reviews from my last post. Thank you all! It boosted my ego as a writer and blogger and motivated me to keep doing what I do. So thank you! I was definitely really inspired as I wrote it… I probably rambled on about virtue and integrity and stuff cuz I had just listened to the last general young women’s session. So I guess with that I felt prompted to make a call for virtue! WOOHOO! Anywhoozle, this post is also about guarding your heart. This time, however, I’ll be going into more detail about the thinking-ahead-side-of-things.

PART 2:

I have a buddy. We haven’t kept in touch for a few years now but, he was one of my best friends before he left on his mission. I was in high school and had just turned 16 so I was pretty new to the whole flirting and dating stuff, so I asked my guyfriends for advice a lot! So he shared a piece of advice that stuck with me throughout the rest of my social life. It was: find a balance between using your head and your heart. If you only use your heart, you’ll dive into things without thinking and get hurt. But if you only use your head, you’ll think too much and eventually let opportunities pass you by and you’ll be wondering what if. I thought it was pretty neat!

The first point I wanted to make today (or tonight, depending on your time zone) has to do with using your head. It is that you can like someone without letting it tear you up. What do I mean by that? Well, I think in a way we’ve convinced ourselves that if we like a person but we’re not with them, it’s supposed to hurt like heck. That’s not necessarily true. Especially in cases where your relationship reached the point where it won’t work no matter what you do. I have a story that illustrates this concept of liking someone without hurting yourself.

Back in the day my friend thought this one chick had everything he looked for. But as their relationship evolved, he started to notice her lack of commitment. The “warning signs” were subtle at first but progressively becoming more obvious. Because he liked her so much, however, he overlooked those signs and continued to do everything it took to make it work. Eventually, it got to the point where he realized he was the only one who really wanted their relationship to work and therefore they weren’t gonna make it unless she was committed to it. I remember telling him, “Marriage is a lot of work. Dating is supposed to be fun! And as much as you like this chick, you’re unhappy and this isn’t fun anymore. And if it’s not fun now, it’s only gonna get worse.”

That didn’t change the fact that he was head over heels for her or that she was an amazing person though. But he had to let go because he knew it was only gonna hurt him even more later on. We all knew he had done everything it took, so he could walk away from this with a clear conscience. Yeah, it hurt him a little to let go of an amazing girl he still had feelings for, but he also knew he was sparing himself from an even bigger heartbreak later on. So yeah he liked her a lot, but it didn’t tear him up!

The point I’m trying to make here is, yeah you can find yourself really liking someone the way my friend did. But it’s okay to let go if you know it’s not gonna work. In fact, it’s not okay; it’s important to let go. And the fact that he let go as soon as he realized it would never work made it so much easier for him to move on! The more you hold on to something that isn’t gonna work, the more it’ll hurt when you eventually let go.

The second point I would like to make also has to do with using your head and it’s to not waste your time or your feelings with someone you wouldn’t marry.

For those of you who have asked me, I don’t keep a list of all the things I want in a guy. I usually just go by the spirit. I’m definitely not like one of those people who need a guy who can sing, or a guy of a certain ethnicity, or a guy who’s athletic. Those things don’t matter to me, really. I’ve been asked to make a post on what I look for in a guy so I’ll go into more detail when I write that post!

However, right now it would be very relevant for me to say regarding that matter, I do have a general idea of indispensable qualities I 100% need in an eternal companion. I’ll give you a sneak peek into the post I’ll be making and tell you that one of the qualities I find extremely important for me is a worthy priesthood holder. I’ve always been told by my young women leaders to get married in the temple to a righteous priesthood holder. It made sense; the prophet told me to do it, my parents did it, my sister did it, so yeah, I’ll do it! But it wasn’t until I left my parents’ house for school that I really saw for myself the importance of having a priesthood holder in my home.

Okay, why I’m sharing this… I have a story that really touched me and penetrated my heart to this day and I hope you guys will feel the spirit as I did when I heard it. This chick I know dated a guy who wasn’t a member of the church, therefore he wasn’t a priesthood holder. One day her father, who was a righteous priesthood holder, followed the spirit as he sat her down and told her about a condition she had as a baby then said, “But through the power of the priesthood I was able to bless you prior to surgery and now you have a normal life because of it. Can you imagine your home without the priesthood?” When I heard that part of the story, I felt grateful that her mother married a righteous priesthood holder who was able to follow the spirit and instruct their daughter in love and righteousness. Can you imagine your home without the priesthood?

I imagined what my life would be like if I ended up marrying someone who didn’t hold the priesthood or did, but wasn’t worthy of it for whatever reason. When we have kids, who’s gonna give them their baby blessings? Who’s gonna baptize them? Will I have to call our home teachers at 2AM for a priesthood blessing when my kid is sick or discouraged? Will I go to church and attend temple sessions all by myself? Will I be happy in that situation? I know I wouldn’t be. I can’t possibly imagine my future home without the priesthood because to me, that’s an incomplete home. I’d rather be missing the roof over my head than the power and authority to act in God’s name in my family. I’d rather remain single for the rest of my life (possibly with a kitty or two) than to marry someone who doesn’t hold the priesthood.

So, she moved on and I followed her example. Yeah, some of the guys that crossed my path were cute. Actually, that’s not true. Some of them were BABES, ok? There was this one guy I met on campus and if I looked him in the eye I’d stutter so much I just didn’t talk. And that’s a LOT to say about a chatterbox like me! I ran into him at a restaurant once while I was eating with my friends and when I saw him I ducked down so he wouldn’t see me, because I didn’t want my friends to discover my dorky side when they saw me talking to him. But my friend (who was friends with him too) saw him and she waved at him for a good minute, but he didn’t see her. It was funny!

You may ask: “How would that spare you from a heartbreak? Just cuz he doesn’t have the priesthood doesn’t mean he’s a bad person! And just cuz he doesn’t have the priesthood doesn’t mean you’ll be miserable!” It spares us from a heartbreak for the same reason mentioned earlier about moving on when you know it’s not gonna work out; letting it go the minute you find out it’s not gonna work keeps you from getting even more attached, making it thus easier to move on! And yes, he can still be a great person! He just lacks an indispensable quality that would make him capable of making me happy. And you know what, there definitely are some really great guys out there who would make great husbands and fathers and just happen not to hold the priesthood for whatever reason. But, I personally, need it in my eternal companion to be happy. In fact, I was at institute the other night and we were going over Elder Holland's last general conference talk "Lord, I believe" (one of my faves) and our teacher told us to think of one thing you absolutely 100% know is true, then share it with the person next to you. What I shared was that I knew the priesthood was the power of God. I’ve had so many miraculous experiences through the power of the priesthood that I just need it in my home.

So think ahead. Don’t wait until you’re dating someone to wonder if he’s right for you. Prayerfully ponder on the kind of person you want next to you for all eternity and stick to that. Cuz if you just go with the flow and date whoever comes your way, you run the risk of falling in love with someone you’ll realize you’d be unhappy with when it’s too late. Too late because you’re already married once you came to that realization, or too late because even though you’re constantly fighting, you’re too attached and lost in the midst of your passions to let go. Believe me when I say that the sooner you let go, the easier it is to move on. That’s what I mean by using your head.

On the other hand, don’t be so practical and overly rational that you’ll miss out on a good person that comes your way. So here comes my use-your-heart-as-well point. I knew a guy who had a very specific list of things he looked for. There was one girl in his stake I believe and she was probably one of the best people I’ve known. She was incredibly kind, smart, sincere, humble, and joyful. However, for a period in her life she was less active. She repented and did her best to start over and always attended church on Sundays. Because she had repented of her sins and expressed a sincere desire to be better, she was an amazing girl! Heck, I even have a girl-crush on her and would totally ask her out if I didn’t like boys so much! Anyways, they start dating but he breaks up with her saying she wasn’t strong enough in the gospel for him because of her past.

Now, I’m not here to diss this guy or to go off about how people can change (though I can talk about that second part in depth on another post), I’m here to say that the moral of this story is to not use your head too much. Had he followed his heart, he would’ve known what an amazing person she was and what a donkey he was for letting her go. Some people focus so much on irrelevant qualities (such as appearance, hobbies, music preference, talents, etc.) that really only make up for one’s outward layer as a person, that they overlook more important qualities (like temper, compatibility, strength in the gospel, etc.) that make up who a person truly is on the inside and what kind of a person you’ll really have to live with for the rest of your life. I mean, if you’re really into chess for example and that’s all you like to do on weekends, then yeah it makes sense to look for someone who likes chess too. But if you want a guy who’s athletic for the sake of the six-pack when you yourself hate sports, then that’s silly. What I’m trying to say is, when you ponder on the kind of person you look for, do so prayerfully and follow the spirit.

Another instance where you can use your head too much is in long-term engagements. I mean, it varies from culture to culture and I’ll probably make a post where I talk specifically about long-term engagements, but for now I’ll just say I don’t believe in long-term engagements. Of course, if you’re planning a big expensive wedding then it makes a little more sense cuz you’ll wanna save up and plan for it. But if you’re just having a small reception at the church and spending less than $1K, why would you wanna be engaged for over a year? You know the person is right for you (at least I hope so if you’re friggin engaged), your wedding is gonna be small, what’s there to wait for? Personally, that to me is a big red flag if you need to think more after you’re already engaged. But, that’s just my opinion!

Now how does using your heart spare you from heartbreak? It’ll spare you from regrets. If were in that guy’s position, I’d be so hurt if I realized I let go of an amazing person who was capable of making me happy over a stupid little item on my list that wasn’t checked. I would seriously feel like such an idiot and regret it so much and that would hurt me because I’d have to live with that regret. By stupid little item, however, I mean like if I dumped a guy just because his parents were divorced, for example. Compared to something more important like if he’s a serial killer, that’s a stupid little item to have on a list.

You can find other instances where you use your head too much or when you use your heart too much. But these instances I mentioned were the ones I really felt like sharing. But the moral here is, find that balance. If you only use your heart, it’ll get broken cuz you’ll dive in too fast. If you only use your head, you’ll run the risk of battling with the what-if’s of life. So think to yourself what are some ways in your own personal life where you can use your head too much or your heart too much. And it doesn’t only and solely have to do with dating. It can be with friendships, job hunting, setting your standards, making important decisions, etc.

So I guess that wraps things up! I hope you like this post as much as you liked the last post. I know it’s not as spiritual, but sometimes, ya gotta talk about other aspects of life too! There’s one more part to this guarding your heart series then I’m DONE. Woohoo! I’m actually pretty stoked to write about something other than this topic, cuz it’ll be 3 weeks of talking about it so it gets kinda boring after a while for me. But stay tuned for next week!

XOXO,

Miss Mottola! <3

Guarding Your Heart By Not Taking Crap

Dear Audience to my mind,

Thank you so much to everyone who submitted questions for me! I really appreciate them… they keep blogger Kim in line. ;) You guys have asked me some pretty good questions, and I’m excited to answer them and hopefully help you get closer to clearing your mind!

So the other day I’m talking to a friend of mine. And, when two young single adult Mormon girls are talking, the chances of the topic of boys and dating coming up are pretty high. So yes, we’re talking about boys and she’s a really smart kid! She had such mind-blowing ideas, I even asked her to contribute to this post so I wouldn’t feel like I was plagiarizing her brain. But she said she trusts me. From that conversation, I was inspired me to answer this question: How do you protect yourself from heartbreak?

My last post was all about how to overcome sadness, whereas this one is how to keep the sadness from coming at all. There’s the difference right there. Another difference between this post and the last one is I covered general sadness, whereas this one is specifically the heartbreak from a dude! Whether you got dumped, or you had to break up with a guy you’re still crazy about, you caught him cheating, he lied to you, your best friend stabbed you in the back, etc.

Getting your heart broken sucks. I’ve been there! Sometimes that heartbreak is inevitable, but other times, you can keep yourself from getting hurt. Sometimes you get over it in a week, but other times it can take a year. Sometimes you let go of the pain but you make yourself more cautious, and other times, you just forget it until you get hurt again. Sometimes we brought the heartache to ourselves and sometimes we’re innocent. Either way, I think it would be fair to say that all of us women face situations where if we’re not careful, we run the risk of getting hurt.

Now, just because I’ve had my heart broken before doesn’t mean I see myself as an idiot for letting it happen! Yes, looking back I could’ve avoided a couple heartbreaks from happening but at the same time I don’t regret any of it. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad I’ve been hurt before. You know why? Cuz they made me tougher for when another “emotional obstacle” is placed before me. They also made me better able to keep it from happening again by either evaluating what I did in the past that can be avoided in the future or what kind of guys I should avoid. They also made me wiser and more sympathetic, they made me get to know myself, and they taught me what I want for myself now and in the future.

So that being said, just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t make you a weak person. In fact, you may not know it yet, but you are stronger for having gone through a heart break. But it definitely takes a while for us to really see how much we’ve grown and learned. So don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been hurt. At the same time, don’t go out and about doing whatever the heck you want with the mentality of “if I mess up I’ll learn from it, so I’ll just dive in to this without thinking twice!”; be responsible, make good choices, and try your best to learn from others’ mistakes rather than your own, because it spares you from a lot of pain because trust me, in life you will unavoidably go through some hard times. So don’t add more pain to your life by deliberately making foolish choices “just so you can learn from those consequences”. Does that make sense?

Anyways, here’s something about me: I’ve never been the popular girl who’s dated half the guys in her senior class type. So I guess you could say I’m not an expert in relationships. But somehow, I still managed to learn valuable lessons from just casual dating and stories. And I’m here to share those lessons I learned with you, but there were so many of them that I split it all up into different posts. So stay tuned and wish me luck here!

PART 1:

To me, personally, regrets are what hurt me the most. The kind of regret I’m referring to is the kind where you don’t speak your mind. I’m not saying lose your filter and say whatever comes. But if you’re in a situation where you feel like something you could do or say would make things better, then do it! Or you’ll regret it and wonder what if.

Be completely honest (but not nagging or overbearing) with the person. If something they do or say isn’t cool, then tell them straight up! Let them know that you’re not okay with it. It’s by not telling them anything that you’re allowing them to think it’s okay to keep doing or saying it. And if they keep doing or saying something you don’t like, it’ll eventually hurt you when it could’ve been avoided had you told them at the beginning. Don’t be passive-aggressive, because those are the most unbearable kind of people out there. Be honest and assertive!

There’s also other ways we take crap from people other than letting them be mean; there’s also letting them make you compromise your standards, which I will go into more detail later on. Another possible way of taking crap from someone, particularly guys, is letting them make bad decisions that jeopardize their integrity as priesthood holders and/or professionals. Sure, they’re big boys and it’s their responsibility to be worthy; but it’s also ours as women to support their priesthood by helping them honour it. We need to help them want to be better men! It’s our sacred duty to do so. And guys have just as much responsibility of helping the chicks remain worthy as well!

Some people try so hard to show how easygoing they are when really, they’re just being pushovers and letting them walk all over them. I’m not saying try to find a reason to pick fights either though; I’m referring to things that are genuinely important. Nagging on a guy because he leaves the toilet seat up is not that important! At least to me. And of course there are ways to approach a person without being mean or self-righteous. That’s why it’s important to live a worthy clean life so the spirit can guide you! And if the person thinks you’re being dramatic and won’t listen to your side and your feelings when you approach them as nicely as you possibly can, then they don’t respect you.

That works the other way around too. If a person offers you feedback, listen. Be humble. And if it doesn’t compromise your standards or your values, then work on it and see it as them helping you become a better person.

Okay, what does that have to do with sparing yourself from getting hurt? It’s about being assertive. When something is bothering you, but you hold it in, it’ll only make it worse. The more you hold it in, the more frustrated you’ll be with the fact that they haven’t changed their behavior. Full-time missionaries are expected to have weekly companionship inventories as a way to enhance unity and invite the spirit and improve themselves! So apply that. I don’t know about you guys, but I can tell when a person is mad but trying to cover it up. And it’s annoying when I ask them if anything’s wrong and they say no, but you can tell they’re lying. It’s like, “ok, you’re obviously pissed at me. But if you won’t tell me, how the heck am I gonna know what I did so I won’t do it again?”. PLEASE don’t be passive-aggressive. They are, to me, the most unhappy, bitter and frustrated people out there. Why? Because they don’t have the balls to speak their mind and pursue what they want in a relationship!

That’s why it’s so important to make your decisions and to set your standards early in life. If you haven’t done it already, do it now. As you ponder on your decisions and your standards you may decide, “Hmm.. well to me it’s important to dress modestly, so I want a guy who respects that.” Then if you’re dating a guy who asks you to compromise that and mocks the standards you set before he even came around, it’s a lot easier to dump him and move on.

Never let a guy take advantage of you. I heard a story about a chick who dated this guy and he would ask her to send him pictures. At first he’d ask for normal pictures. Then he'd progressively and subtly would ask for pictures where she was wearing less and less items of clothing. She eventually dumped him before anything else happened, repented and is an active member of the church unlike him. Girls, if you’re ever caught in that kind of a situation you remember the standards you’ve set for yourself and stick to them. No guy in this world is worth more than the standards you’ve set for yourself and let alone your worthiness to enter the temple. No matter how much you think you like a guy, don’t take crap from him. If he’s asking you to compromise your standards, I promise that if you say no, you will find a guy who would never ask you to do that! Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t respect you and stick to your standards.

At a young women's camp, my stake president at the time told us a similar story about a guy who tried to tempt a girl to compromise her standards for him and he said any guy who does that is selfish and doesn't care about you. And I'm here to stand by him on that. If a guy is driven more by his impulses than your personal worthiness, he doesn't care about you. He is selfish and you should dump him without thinking twice! And if he pulls the "If you love me, you'll do this!", just punch him like you'd punch your laptop when it freezes. He obviously needs a brain implant anyway, so you might as well knock some sense into that little head. Just kidding. That's only something I would do, and I'm not a perfect person! But I promise you he'll get over it and live (the dumping part, not the punching part), and so will you!

I know it’s not easy. Some guys are very persuasive and charming. Don’t, I repeat, don’t let a guy’s charm move you more than your goal to enter the temple. There is absolutely no place on Earth more important than the temple. Think about the many miles the early latter-day saints traveled just so they could enter the temple. Some left their families to join the church. Some lost their family members along the way. But they kept their vision and their goal; they knew how sacred and important the temple was. Let’s follow their example. The Lord doesn’t ask us to walk across the country to get to the temple; all He asks for is a virtuous and worthy life. Don’t let Lucifer tempt you with a hot guy! And if it gets really hard, pray to God. Remember He wants you to enter the temple worthily and make those covenants with Him and He is more than willing to help you get there. But you gotta let Him help you!

What does setting high standards for yourself have to do with guarding your heart? When we commit serious sins like breaking the law of chastity, there are consequences that come along with it. Those consequences can be painful. Yes, you can repent – but not before you go through the consequences of that sin. A heartache is painful enough… why add more pain to that by committing serious sins that have serious consequences attached to them? It's one thing to get your heart broken, and it's another to get your heart broken and on top of that feel guilty for exposing yourself to someone who ended up hurting you.

Another reason as to why setting high standards will protect your heart is that it’ll allow you to enter the temple worthily (as mentioned earlier). When your eyes are fixed to the house of God, you develop a relationship with Him that is so strong, that your faith will increase so that you can withstand whatever fiery darts come your way, like a heartbreak.

Well, that was everything for part 1. Stay tuned for part 2 coming soon!!

Love,

Miss Mottola! :]

Overcoming Sadness

Hey kids!

I’ve been going around asking people if they have questions. I’ve written them all down, and will be answering all of them in the upcoming posts to come. That is the beauty of not having a whole bunch of followers; it’s less busy when answering their questions!

Today I have decided to answer the following question submitted by a dear friend of mine: when you feel sad, what do you do to overcome the hard times?

That to me is a very important question, because everyone feels sad at some point in their lives. Even 4-year olds when their toys break (I still vividly remember that gloomy day). At the same time, however, it is a difficult question to answer, because people are different. What may work for one person might not work for another person because they have different personalities and/or different reasons as to why they’re sad. But my hope is that through this post, I will be able to reach out to you and help you get through whatever it is you’re going through. So bear with me!

I’ve definitely felt sad in my life. Either because I lost something or someone, something didn’t work out for me (or nothing did for that matter), someone put me down, or I felt a void in my life. So I can definitely say I’ve experienced sadness for many different reasons and have had many different reactions.

Remember God wants us to be happy!

First of all, it is important to remember that we didn’t come to this Earth to be miserable. What did Lehi say to Jacob? Come on, it’s a scripture mastery (I think.. I didn’t really pay attention in seminary)! “Adam fell that men might be” blablabla okay, enough with appetizers, let’s get to the meaty stuff, “and men are, that they might have joy.” Say whaaa? Yeah, girl! Or boy if you’re a dude reading this. I repeat, “men are, that they might have joy.” Did that just blow your mind out of your brain or what? A prophet of God back in 600 B.C said that! And God found that so important for us to know, that He had Joseph Smith translate that to English so that we can be aware that, I repeat, “men are, that they might have joy.” Oh, and this is on 2 Nephi 2:25!

Okay, so do we have that clear? God wants us to be happy! And it makes total sense. I want you to pause for a second and think of someone you love with all your heart. Got someone in mind? (If not then girl, you need to go out and make some friends!) For those of you that do, how do you feel when that person is sad? Heartbroken I would hope! You would give anything to make them happy and change their scenario. You hate seeing them like that and you’re ready to help them with whatever they need. When you truly love someone, your #1 wish is for them to be completely happy! Now think of God: He is our loving Heavenly Father. He knows us more than anyone else in this world. He knows our strengths, our weaknesses, our potential, our fears, our concerns, our feelings, and exactly what we’re going through. He loves us with a love that is so pure and perfect, that no human can fully comprehend it. He loves us so much, He sent His son to come to Earth and suffer the most painful sacrifice ever performed so that our burdens can be lifted up from our backs. I know all of this is true. I know He loves you (yes you!). He’s listening to your prayers, and He can send His angels to protect you.

Let God help you!

I know what you’re probably thinking: “well if He loves me so much, then why would He let me go through this? I’d never let a person I love go through what I’m going through! Mimimimimimi!” What I have to say to that? I dunno, bud. I have absolutely no idea what you’re going through. Why don’t you ask God? This leads me to my next topic: prayer! Not gonna lie, sometimes when I prayed, I wondered if anyone was listening. What an idiot I was, because now I know with all the certainty in my heart that He was in fact listening and that it broke His heart to see me that way! Pray always. Don’t ever give up. He wants to talk to you. He obviously has prepared a tremendous life lesson for you out of this if it’s hurting you so bad. He is listening. I know it with all my heart! I promise you that as you pray consistently, you will feel His love for you and you will know all of this I’m saying for yourself. And if needs be, ask for priesthood blessings! They really helped me in ways that are too sacred for me to explain on the internet. Go to the temple! The other day I went to the temple and read my patriarchal blessing over and over as I waited to do confirmations for the dead. I recommend it! Fasting makes me grumpy, but boy does it help! I also recommend reading the Book of Mormon. I don’t know how I can possibly articulate my certainty that this book is true, but it is. Read it, and you’ll know it is true! And as you read it, you will feel the hand of God in your life as you read His word, and you will feel Him reaching out to you ever strongly.

As you do all of this, just remember: God wants you to be happy! If we do those things but we don’t have the faith that God will help us, then it’s pointless. Why? Because when we have faith we are showing God we WANT him to help us.

So if God wants you to be happy, who do you think wants you to be sad? I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with Patan! Yes, you got it! Satan does! Verse 27 of that same chapter I just quoted, “(…)the devil (…) seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.” When you hear voices in your head giving you reasons as to why you deserve to feel sad, it’s just Satan being Satan. Ignore him. Don’t let him mess with your head. Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking you deserve to be miserable, that God isn’t listening, that you can’t be helped, or that things won’t get better. Don’t forget that he is the father of all bullcrap. I mean, lies! He’s a liar. Okay? So don’t listen to Him. Stay close to God. Do the things that invite the spirit (prayer, blessings, scriptures, fasting, church attendance, etc.) so that he won’t have power over you.

Smile :)

Ok, I’m done with the whole God vs. Satan topic. We all know Satan already lost anyway! Today I came across a meme on my news feed that says, “A strong woman is one who is able to smile this morning like she wasn’t crying last night…” 

One of my biggest pet peeves when I’m going through a trial is when someone says, “Oh, don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be okay! You just need faith. Be happy!” Seriously, do you think I ENJOY balling my eyes out before going to bed? Do you think I WANT to be sad? And who are YOU to tell me everything will be okay when you have no idea how I feel? And who says I haven’t put every inch of my faith into getting through this? DUHHH!!! Makes you wonder why you waste your time asking naïve people like that for advice, eh?

Man, I remember there was one trial I was going through… I was so sad I didn’t even have the motivation to get out of bed every morning. And when I did I was lucky to keep a straight face and not think about what I was going through. I’d be in the bus sometimes zoning out or even in the middle of class and before I know it, I feel tears running down my cheeks because I caught myself thinking about it again. It was kind of awkward, cuz I was in public and all! I guess it’s a good thing girls can get away with randomly crying since they have all those crazy hormones that make them kinda bipolar… which wasn’t the case for me, of course. It wasn’t the hormones or the time of month that made me sad; it was the situation I was facing.

Count your blessings

That is precisely why I couldn’t agree more with the meme! It definitely requires strength to smile like you weren’t crying the night before. Not necessarily smiling in the sense that you pretend like there’s nothing happening or you go out and get drunk because you’re giddy when you’re drunk! What I mean is you try to see the bright side of things, which I know can be extremely difficult. But seriously try to count all of your blessings! It’s hard, but there’s a reason why they say it’s a strong woman who does it!

Remember hymn #241? “When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed, when you are discouraged thinking all is lost, count your many blessings; name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. (…) Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings every doubt will fly, and you will be singing as the days go by.” You can find the rest of the lyrics on lds.org!

Serve

What I also interpret from that meme is to focus on making someone else happy… mother always said that if you’re having a bad day, serve someone. You may think, “That’s stupid! I’m too busy solving my own problems! Ain’t nobody got time for dat!” But trust me on this. Think about it: you’ve obviously been unable to solve your own problems so far, so you might as well try solving someone else’s! It’s as if your laptop broke and your friend’s teddy bear got ripped. While you wait for a repair technician, sow your friend’s teddy bear. I have a testimony that service is the best remedy for depression. I never had Prozac so I can’t say it’s more effective, but every time I forgot myself and focused on someone else, somehow God blessed me so that my problems didn’t seem as important. Don’t ever allow Satan to make you think you’re incapable of helping someone. That’s a bunch of bullcrap. When we are in the service of others, God will help us reach out to them in miraculous ways. Even if it’s just smiling to a stranger on the street and wishing them a good day! Every day when you wake up, tell yourself, “today I’m gonna make at least one person smile.” Then go and do it!

At the end of the day, what do I know?

If you haven’t done any of this, then do them all! Especially the one about serving. If you have, then keep doing it. You can even pray to God and tell Him you’ve done everything you can, and ask Him what else is there to do. Have faith. Show Him you want to be helped. At the end of the day, no matter how long you rant to me for, or how detailed you are, I will never 100% know how you feel. Only Jesus Christ, because He has felt exactly what you are feeling in the garden of Gethsemane so you can be healed from that pain. He has felt it specifically and He saw your face as He felt it. It hurt Him not just because of the pain itself, but at the thought of you having to go through that 2,000 years later. So let Him help you. It hurts Him to see you like this. He will know how to help you more than anyone else. Be willing to accept His will. Have the faith that His will is what’s best for you. I can’t say He can completely take that pain away from you all the time. But I can say He will always give you the strength to overcome that pain you feel. (This article by Elder Bednar goes into even more detail: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/04/the-atonement-and-the-journey-of-mortality?lang=eng). And that strength is what will shape you to become like God one day.

Stay strong,

Miss Mottola! :]