What I Wish I'd Known As A Teenage Girl

Dear Teenage Girls,

Tonight I'm dedicating my post to you! Though I may not know all of you, I feel connected to you. I know your struggles, your temptations, your expectations, the little things that make you insecure, and your frustrations, because I've been there. It sucks! Being a teenage girl, especially in this day and age, isn't easy.

I see these teenage girls all over my social media accounts who could get away with saying they're older than me by the way they dress and the length of their fingernails, like they desperately want to be my age. Little do they know they have it all by embracing the simple, just being 15 life. Sure, 23 is great and the freedom that comes with it is undeniable, but if I could relive my teenage years after everything I learned and know now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Tonight I'll share some of the things I wish I'd known when I was a teenager.

1. Give No Room For Drama: We see celebrities (i.e. Katy Perry vs Taylor Swift) doing it. The characters from our favourite TV show doing it. So it must be cool, right? Prove that you're tough and strong by competing with another girl and hopefully winning. Not so. A strong, independent, and capable woman doesn't need to put other women down to feel good about herself. She is kind, loving, and looks for ways to serve, because she is happy with who she is. Take my two best friends in Kelowna -- Kaylia and Char. We've been best friends since before their missions and we're still super close. I like to think they are two of the best girls in the stake. They are beautiful, kind, solid, and talented women.
   
   But, I'm not intimidated or threatened by them and neither are they by me. We've even dated and liked some of the same guys, but we've never had any drama come from that. Instead, we chose to learn from each other's talents and uplift each other. Take me and Char -- she just learned how to knit, so sometimes I'll teach her a few tricks and tips. And on the other hand, she also teaches me some tips and tricks for my workouts. Or me and Kaylia -- I can be impatient with people and lazy sometimes. Kaylia, on the other hand, is one of the kindest, most patient, most service-oriented people I've ever met and I learn so much from her example. The three of us keep each other's secrets and respect and help each other. With that being said, STOP COMPETING! Everyone is different, but everyone is good at something.
   
   But sometimes, no matter how much we avoid it, there are people who can't help but invite drama into everyone's lives around them. I've learned that people who constantly have drama in their lives are usually unhappy or insecure. Even now at 23, I still run into people like that. What to do in that situation? Well, the Saviour taught that if a brother offends you, you talk to them in private about it (and don't go around telling everyone about your feud). But always be kind and forgiving, and always see the good in people, and always love them. But don't be afraid to cut those people off from your life -- not because you're mad at them, but because you don't have time or energy for stupid drama.
   
   Refrain from judging. Refrain from fighting. Refrain from gossip. Strive to be loving. Strive to be kind. Look for ways to serve those around you. Life is so much simpler without drama or competition. Life is so much happier when we choose to love and uplift those around us.
   
   
2. Think before you trust: This is hard for extroverts who sometimes need to talk it off with people. But trust me, you don't want personal information exposed to random idiots who don't care about you. So, be careful with who you trust. The Saviour himself taught us not to cast pearls unto swines. I've come up with the following red flags to spot a backstabber:
             - They tell you other peoples' secrets
             - They speak negatively of others behind their back
             - They love drama and/or gossip
             - They don't have a solid foundation in the gospel
             - They aren't the most sensitive people
             - They don't express a genuine desire to uplift or empower those around them
             - When they screw up, they justify themselves and come up with excuses instead of owning up to it and apologizing.
             - They constantly play the victim
             - Overall, when it comes to evaluating someone's character, actions speak louder than words.
   
   And should someone end up stabbing you in the back, don't worry. The worst thing you can do is get worked up about it and beat yourself up. Don't cry over spilled milk -- it's done, it happened and there's nothing you can do about it. Just learn from that mistake and move on. I promise you it'll be over and that those moments are there to help you learn who your real friends are. And might I add that the best way to avoid being stabbed in the back is to be a trustworthy person yourself.
   
   
   
   
   
3. Get off your stupid iPhones: I was blessed to have been a teenager before Facebook, Instagram, or iPhones were a thing. But we had Orkut, MSN, and iPods and those things REALLY kept me busy. If I could go back I would've used that time to do some extracurricular activities, develop talents, develop a hobby. Yes, I was an Honour Roll, did seminary, took Piano classes and did my Personal Progress... and I'm so glad I did. Because my mom encouraged me to do those things, I'm smart and capable of carrying a conversation, I can magnify my calling as a Relief Society Pianist, and I have a strong testimony. But I wish I had done MUN or drama classes or learned languages. I wish I developed more talents. The younger you are, the easier it is to learn new skills. It's a scientific fact!
   
   
   
4. Don't be afraid to be young: As I mentioned earlier, I always spot 13-year olds wearing high heels with super long fingernails and black nail polish and lots of eyeshadow. Sure, the restrictions your parents impose on you may suck. But trust them -- they've been there. Their rules are based on the choices they made when they were your age, be them good or bad. Enjoy the simplicity that comes with being a teenager. Enjoy not having to worry about taxes, or oil changes, or paying rent/mortgage, being able to afford your expenses, having to make dinner every day, or having to make major career decisions. Be grateful to your parents for looking out for you. Be grateful that they love and care about you enough to want to protect you from today's increasingly toxic world. Remember your parents love you and want nothing but the best for you. Trust them. Respect them. And be obedient. You'll have plenty of time to be an adult, and take it from me, you'll miss being a teenager.
   
   
   
   
   
5. Develop a firm testimony in the gospel: If you haven't already, at some point in your life you will inevitably experience a very difficult hardship that will test every single drop of your faith and testimony. Be ready for that. Develop and constantly strengthen your testimonies NOW. Read the Book of Mormon, go to church every Sunday, attend seminary, do your personal progress, pray daily, serve, magnify your callings, study the words of our living prophets, and keep the commandments so you can see the blessings that come from it. Let the church and the gospel keep you so busy, you have no time to get caught up in the world. Develop that firm foundation today.
   
   Be virtuous. As a teenager, you have raging hormones. But I can say from experience, if you commit now to be virtuous and develop your testimony right away, you WILL have control over that. Virtue comes from the Latin word virtus which means strength. And I can testify that as I've strived to be virtuous, I feel stronger, more confident, and happier. I don't need to show off my skin or give boys what they want to feel like I'm worth something. And if a guy ever pressures you to go further than you know you should, don't be afraid to kick him in the nuts and cut him out of your life. He is being selfish and isn't worth your time, and in the long run he's only looking for temporary pleasures only to ditch you after he gets what he wants. And you, my friend, are a beautiful daughter of God worth so much more than that. Being sexy is easy and shallow. Being virtuous requires strength and confidence, which at the end of the day, is way more attractive.
   
   The media glamourizes mistakes, as though you can only be wise if you make stupid choices. That is a lie that Satan came up with to tempt you to screw up. Yes, you can repent and learn from the mistakes you make. But it is so much easier to avoid the painful process of repentance and you will actually be stronger by not purposefully making those mistakes, because you don't have feelings of guilt to overcome. My little sisters, as we get closer to the second coming, the adversary is working his hardest to ensure that less people are prepared so that they can be as miserable as he is. Don't let that happen to you. You are a precious daughter of God with so much potential and so much ahead of you. God loves you more than you can possibly comprehend. He knows your life, your struggles, your insecurities. Pray to Him often -- He loves hearing from you! The happiest that I've ever been was when I developed a strong bond with my loving Heavenly Father.
   
   
   
6. Love yourself: I know you hear this enough from Dove or Always, but it's true. Be proud of your womanhood! Unlock your potential. Confident girls are not only more attractive, but they have an easier time making good choices. So believe in yourself and recognize your strengths and talents. If anyone convinces you you're not enough, they're wrong and don't know you well enough. Do you really think God, your loving Heavenly Father would send you to Earth without any strengths to help you get through this mortal journey?
   
   Another thing that comes from lack of self-love is the fear of being single. Chick flick movies and fairy tales brainwash girls into thinking they are not complete or happy unless they have a boyfriend. In a way, yes, you need the sealing ordinance in order to obtain your exaltation. But trust me, take it from someone who's dated a lot, having a boyfriend will not complete you. Yeah, dating's fun and boyfriends do a good job at boosting your ego and melting your heart. But don't make that your number one priority or reason for your happiness. Focus on you and developing yourself and in God's own timing, the right person will come around when you're ready. Get to know yourself and be comfortable being on your own. Develop emotional independence and never hand over the remote control to your emotions to anyone, not even your husband.
   
   So how do you go about developing confidence? Invest in yourself. Take classes, be open to new adventures and experiences, travel, let your work speak for you, learn to love your cute little flaws, get an education, read good books and articles, spend time around deep people, make rational decisions, make good choices so you can see the good things that come into your life, develop a bond with God, exercise, take care of yourself, don't be afraid to look pretty, develop your own opinions and defend them, don't let people walk all over you, be kind, be generous, be you!

So remember: Give no room for drama, think before you trust, get off your stupid iPhones, don't be afraid to be young, develop a firm testimony in the gospel, and love yourself. I promise that as you do these things, you will be happier, more confident, and closer to your divine potential.

Follow thou me

Viewers! Whattup? I decided to post my talk from yesterday since I was told I talked so fast it was hard for the congregation to keep up with me, hahaha. Seriously, I need to just breathe and slow down:

Good morning brothers and sisters and happy international women's day to the sisters!

As I prepared for this talk, I recalled going on a walk with my dad in Calgary, AB around Christmas time. Those of you who have been to Calgary during Christmas time probably know where I'm going with this. On the way to the train station, a pile of about 1-2 feet of snow was in our way. My dad was wearing appropriate shoes for the condition, while I, being from BC, was wearing converse sneakers, which by the way were really Air Walk sneakers that had a couple holes in the corner. My dad came up with the following idea: "I will walk ahead of you and all you need to do is step where I stepped, and your feet won't get frozen or wet." He was wearing the proper shoes that made him capable of sinking his feet into the snow so that I wouldn't need to.

I tried to step where he stepped, but because he's taller and has longer legs than mine, his strides were too long for me to be able to do so. Frustrated, impatient, and somewhat prideful,  I thought it'd be easier and quicker if I just went my own way, thinking it wouldn't be so bad if I did. Not so. As soon as my feet stepped outside of where he stepped, they froze, especially with the holes in my shoes. And for those of you who have gotten their feet frozen, can agree that it's not fun. After those painful and traumatizing seconds, I never wanted it to happen to me again so I did my best to follow his every footstep. And when it got hard, I asked him to hold my hand so that he could better guide me in following his every step. Had it not been for my dad walking in front of me and laying down the footsteps, I wouldn't have been able to make that walk.

Our path back to our Heavenly home can be like that pile of snow. And as human beings, we don't have the adequate shoes to walk to our destination without stumbling and freezing our feet on the way there. We cannot make it by ourselves. That is why we have the Saviour, who was perfect and thus capable of sinking his feet into the snow so that all we need to do is follow Him, and as we do, we will return home. It's not always easy and his strides may be too long for us at times, but we can pray and ask him to take our hand and guide us home as my dad guided me to the train station.

The Saviour said “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Sometimes it can be quite the labour and we can feel heavy laden as we try to walk across the pile of snow. But if we come unto the Saviour, He will give us rest. These words come from our loving older brother who not only loved us so much to provide instructions on how to return to our Heavenly Father and to make the ultimate sacrifice to help us get there, but who genuinely knows, loves, and cares about us and wants us to come home more than anything. He wants us to be happy, He wants us to succeed. His invitation is simple: "Come, follow me."

Now what does it mean to follow Him? Elder Gavarret, in the October 2014 General Conference said the following:

"One who is a member of the Church and has accepted this invitation renews the commitment each week by partaking of the sacrament.6 Part of that commitment includes keeping the commandments; by doing so you are saying, “Yes, Lord, I will follow Thee!”

As a kid, I didn't really know what was going on when I took the Sacrament. But now, when I see a Priesthood holder extending the tray to me, I imagine it being the Saviour extending His arm to me, saying, "Come, follow me." And we are so blessed to have that experience every Sunday where we can come unto Him, repent, and strive to be a little bit better as we go about our week.

The prophet Nephi also adds insight to this concept "And [Jesus] said unto the children of men: Follow thou me. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, can we follow Jesus save we shall be willing to keep the commandments of the Father?"

What Nephi is basically saying is that we need to be willing to be obedient. Following the Saviour is the equivalent to Keeping the Commandments; these terms are interchangeable. We cannot follow the Saviour without keeping the commandments, and we cannot keep the commandments without following the Saviour. His path is a sure way back to our Heavenly home, because He walked that path. And we are so privileged to be in this last dispensation where we have access to all the published works that tell us about the Saviour's life and ministry and Heavenly Father's expectations for us. All we need to do is familiarize ourselves with it and apply them in our lives.

Hymn #220 "Lord, I would follow thee" provides further instructions on how we can follow the Saviour even more. I will list out its instructions for us:

·      Learn to love the Saviour

·       Walk the path that He has shown us

·       Pause to help and lift another

·       Be our brother's keeper

·       Learn the healer's art

·       Show a gentle heart to the wounded and the weary

·       Love our brother as we know the Saviour loves me

·       Be the Saviour's servant

Some of you may have noticed I skipped the second verse, and it's because I have a story behind it. Back in the day there was a girl (who is not from this stake so don't bother trying to guess who it is!) who wasn't very nice to me or my friends, so we just didn't get along and I ignored her. One Sunday she taught a really good lesson where she shared a difficult trial that she went through. It was similar to a trial I went through as well, except it affected her a lot more and it explained why she was the way that she was. I start balling my eyes out because I could feel nothing but love and compassion for her. The words of the hymn came to my mind: "Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly? In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see. Who am I to judge another? Lord, I would follow thee." and that's exactly it! Who was I to judge her? I'm not the nicest person in the world all the time; I'm also imperfect and I also make mistakes. And I had no idea she was feeling sorrow. As mother Teresa put it: "Be kind to those who are unkind; they need it the most." And that's exactly how we follow the Saviour: sharing kindness with everyone; no exceptions. So after the lesson we hugged out our differences and now we're friends! YAY!

(Testify the Saviour lives) I remember one time I was very burdened with a trial in my life. It wasn't so much its level of difficulty that phased me, but more so the fact that I truly and deeply felt that there was no one I could talk to about what I was going through. No one I knew fully understood my pain, my sadness, or my situation. I was concerned about being judged or getting the right advice. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I couldn't think of anyone to talk to. Then, I heard a loving voice in my heart say: "You can talk to me about anything. I'm here for you always." And I knew that was the Saviour reaching out to me and that I was never forgotten and never will be, and neither will you. I knelt down and began to pray and pour my heart out and as I did, I had a glimpse of the Saviour's experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. I knew that He experienced that exact pain I was feeling then and was ready to have that burden transferred over to Him. And that's what encourages me to follow the Saviour: knowing He suffered for me.

I testify that these things are true. I was in the temple last week and the temple workers asked us to turn off our phones and leave them in the front desk during our session. I was surprised that there were people who hid their phones in their pockets or purses. I thought to myself, "We're in the House of the Lord, do we really need anything else? We don't even get reception in the temple!" And it made me think of the Apostles dropping their fishnets to follow the Saviour. Are we willing to give up our temporal and worldly affairs in order to receive greater eternal blessings by following the Saviour?

I testify through personal experience that it is only by following the Saviour that we can experience true happiness. As I've chosen to follow the Saviour, I was forgiven for my sins and I was able to experience the miracle of forgiveness and it is truly beautiful and strengthening. I was also able to have the strength to overcome my trials because the Saviour was there for me when no one else could be. And it was by following the Saviour that I am becoming more and more prepared to enter the temple and make sacred covenants with God.