If you are not a member of the church or are less active or may have questions, you may wonder, "how do you know?" Well, if by knowing you mean having empirical evidence of all of this, then I can't say I do. But, I don't need to see an angel, the Saviour, or God, to know that all of this is true. God loves us individually. He knows our struggles, our worries, our weaknesses, our questions, and He wants us to come home to Him. He wants us to know He is there for us, but He can't confirm the truthfulness of that unless we ask for it. We may expect or want this confirmation to come a certain way and, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't come the way we expect or want it to. God knows us better than we know ourselves, and He will give this confirmation to us in His own time and in His own way that is best for us. He has confirmed the truthfulness of all these things in a way that was so personal and individual and I know you will have that experience too if you seek for it.
Like I said, I've never seen God in this life. But, I know He lives. Through many years of private prayer and fasting, I got little bits confirmed to me. As I applied the gospel into my life and strived to keep the commandments, I started to see the blessings that came from doing so. I've seen little miracles happen in my life. And here's my confession: Though I've had moments where I undoubtedly knew it was all true, I still went through trials that were so difficult, so soul-stretching that I asked myself if I should even bother praying because I didn't know if God was there or if my problems were significant enough to tell Him. But, after having endured my trials to the best of my capacities I can say He does live and that He was with me every step of the way. I love my God and my Saviour.
Tonight I'd like to talk about my favourite talks from General conference! If I can remember... Not gonna lie, it's a little overwhelming because it was 10 hours and I was sleepy this last session. In general, the main message for me was to get involved in missionary work, to have more faith in myself and in God, and to better represent womanhood.
Missionary Work
Missionary work... there is nothing as heart-softening as missionary work. I love it. It can be a little exhausting and frustrating at times. But all in all it is so rewarding. A lot of people go into the business side of things and focus on the numbers. Yes, goals are important. But, what's more important is to genuinely care about someone who is lost and looking for their way home. If you think about your own struggles and where you'd be without the gospel and all those priesthood blessings, wouldn't it motivate you to go out and gather His lost sheep?
This is a story that inspires me to do a little more:
"The following event took place in a ward in Salt Lake City in 1974. It occured during Scarament Meeting and was told to me by a Regional Representative of the twelve, who was in the meeting. A young man, just before leaving on his mission, stood in Sacrament Meeting and bore, in essence, the following testimony. "My Brothers and Sisters, as you know, during the past few weeks I have been awaiting my mission call. During the time I was waiting I had a dream I was in the pre-existence and was awaiting my call to come to earth. I was filled the same excitment and anticipation that I had before I received my mission call. In my dream, I was talking to a friend. He was a very dear friend, and I felt a special closeness to him, even though I've never met him in this life. As we talked, a messenger came and gave me a letter. I knew it was my call to go to earth. In great excitment my friend and I opened the letter I gave it to him and asked him to read it aloud. The letter said: You have been called to earth in a special time and to a special land. You will be born into the true church, and you will have the priesthood of God in you home. You will be raised with many advantages and many blessings. You will be born in a land of plenty-a land of freedom. You will go to earth in the United States of America. "My friend and I rejoiced as we read my call. And while we rejoiced, the messenger returned. This time he had a letter for my friend. We knew it was his call to earth. My friend gave me the letter to read aloud. The letter said: You have been called to go to earth in circumstances of poverty and strife. You will not be raised in the true church. Many hardships will attend your life. Your land will be frought with political and social difficulties which will hinder the word of the Lord. You will be born in Costa Rica. We wept, my friend and I as we read his call. And my friend looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "when we are down on earth, you in your choice land and me in Costa Rica, my friend, come and find me." Then this young missionary, with tears in his own eyes, said, "Brothers and Sisters, I have received my mission call. I am going to Costa Rica. There is a special sequel to this story. About a year after this Sacrament Meeting, the Bishop to this Ward received a letter from the Missionary in Costa Rica. The letter had one sheet of paper in it, and on the sheet was written in inch-high letter four word: I FOUND MY FRIEND."
I'm not a full-time missionary. And for those of you who are wondering, I am not planning on serving a full-time mission in the near future either. But that doesn't mean that story doesn't apply to me. I strongly believe that in the pre-mortal realm we had strong bonds and friendships with our fellow brothers and sisters, and that we promised those who wouldn't be born into an LDS family that we would go and find them. We can and should be missionaries now! We don't need a name tag or a letter from a prophet to influence others for good. I can't help but imagine myself in the pre-mortal life... I'm pretty sure I was still this bouncy, friendly, crazy chick I am today so I must have had lots of good friends as I do now. What if I promised them I'd share the gospel with them someday? The more I participate in missionary work, the more I feel God's love and approval for me! And you know what, missionary work isn't all about baptism and conversion. Being a friend to someone (LDS or non-LDS), offering a smile to someone who is sad, being kind to someone who is weighed down with sorrow. What missionary work means to me is to uplift someone and make them feel good about themselves! Whether it's through your influence, your words, or your behaviour... Make them see that there's still hope left and that they matter... not turning them into a Mormon.
Faith
"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith" just blew my mind. I've had a difficult year, and I was tempted to doubt my faith and, unfortunately, I've had instances where I fell into that temptation. I'm grateful to the people who loved me through it all. I'm grateful to all the prayers, priesthood blessings, and kind words on my behalf. So with all that being said, if you think the difficulty of what you're going through exceeds your capacity to overcome it, I can relate to that. I know what it's like to have something happen to you that makes you lose all hope and motivation to keep going with your life. I know what it's like to feel like you don't matter or that you're unimportant. I know what it's like to be literally weighed down with so much sorrow and heartbreak, you lose sense of your purpose here in this life. I know what it's like to feel lonely and feel like nobody understands you.
The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that Jesus Christ came to Earth and felt exactly what I was feeling at that moment and that He had great love and compassion for me. All I was capable of doing was to kneel down and pray to Him. And somehow, I could just feel His sorrow for seeing me that way. I know He feels love and compassion for you too. I know He felt what you are feeling now in the garden of Gethsemane and that He saw your face as He experienced that agony. I know it breaks His heart to see you shed tears. I know He hears your heartfelt prayers. He hasn't forgotten you. You are engraved in the palm of His hands. You are NOT alone. Though I didn't have anything mind-blowing or supernatural happen as an answer to my prayers, I felt great peace and comfort. I knew that somehow, things were going to be okay and that this was only temporary. We're in this together.
I balled my eyes out during Elder Holland's talk. It reminded me of all the trials I was called by God to overcome and I felt like I knew exactly what he was talking about. But it also reminded me of all the miracles I was able to witness as I strived to overcome those obstacles. Hearing an apostle of God (and the prophet himself a week earlier) say God's love is available for us whether we deserve it or not, just gives me hope. It's just amazing to see them understand what it's like to go through something difficult, and hearing them say that hope is never lost and to do whatever it takes to move forward. It was a talk I feel like everyone should hear, regardless of their religious background. It was amazing!
Womanhood
Ok, this is actually a Kim-rant. You ready for some whining?
All these feminist movements annoy me. I could easily slap the Ordain Women members right across their faces. They irritate me. I just get mad when prophets and apostles clearly pass the message God has asked them to give, and yet these women start a movement to change it. They need to understand that it's not our church leaders who wanted to make it this way; it is God's way.
I'm trying really hard to sympathize, but I just can't. Some of them are married with children and yet they feel like they still need the priesthood. Like, SHUT UP! I'm not even engaged and I don't feel like I want the priesthood. There is so much that women can do that men can't. Women are amazing! I love being a woman.One YW leader taught us that women are awesome, and men only have the priesthood to keep up with them.
Now, I hope that by reading this you're not thinking that I'm all full of myself because I'm a woman. My purpose as a woman hasn't been fulfilled and I have yet to accomplish so much in my life. But getting the priesthood is not one of them. If it so happens that our prophet announced women could start receiving the priesthood here on Earth, I would sustain and support it. But he hasn't. And that's what these women need to understand.
I was watching their YouTube videos and I felt sick to my stomach, and I could feel the spirit depart from me just by watching it. I felt awful, and depressed that this is happening. I'm not kidding, I feel like throwing up. Some pride themselves in being excommunicated. Like, REALLY?! What made me even more sad was that we heard so many uplifting talks about womanhood and our purpses and the founder of Ordain Women said "Those messages are not directed to me,", but added that it is always nice to be in the presence of the prophet and those in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. It threw me off!
I'd like to talk about one of the women who's never needed or wanted the priesthood to be awesome. It's my mother. My dad's had his fair share of leadership callings in the church. Sometimes he would leave 7am or even earlier for work and come home at 9pm because he was doing interviews at a city that was 2 hours away. It was hard not seeing my dad as much as I would like to as he magnified his church callings, and I'm only the daughter. I can't imagine how hard it must have been on mother. I've complained about his absence, but mother never did. Not for a split second did she complain. She has always supported and sustained him and did everything she could to help him magnify his callings.
I truly believe that when a man is called to a leadership position, it is really his wife who is being called to it. I truly believe that when they're deciding who to call as the next bishop or stake president, they prayerfully consider the wives of those men and how supportive they will be. Supporting your spouse in that calling is very difficult and it takes a woman to suck it up! Whenever I think about all my church leaders I've looked up to, I think about their wives, who manage to be even more amazing. Supporting your spouse in a leadership calling is taking part in that calling as well.
Anyways, I love being a woman and my purpose here on Earth. I'm humbled by the calling God has given me to bear children someday, nurture them, and raise them in the gospel. Motherhood is amazing! And you know, a lot of women never get the opportunity to marry or have kids so I can't say that is the only thing I look forward to in this life, as I'm still figuring out God's plan for me. But I believe there is a lot of good that women can do without the priesthood that men can't regardless of their marital status or family structure.
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