How are you? I'm glad I had this post here prepared for weeks, because I can just press the publish button. I have to start thinking about exams like ASAP. My next one is in 5 days and I haven't even started studying for it. Shiiiiizzzzz..... Anywhoozle, here's the last list of pet peeves and FAQ's.
The last category is about my personal life. As a YSA, my personal life becomes more interesting to other people than in any other phase in my life (yes, even more than when I was in High School). Why? Because every dude I talk to could potentially be stuck with me for an eternity. So I guess it's entertaining to solve the scavenger hunt? That's my guess. It's funny cuz a lot of other YSA don't get asked as much about their personal lives as I do, so I dunno. Regardless, I get asked the following questions and I'm here to answer them.
- You're 22 now? Oh, any marriage prospects?
Yes, thank you for the reminder. But seriously, people in the church make marriage sound like a rital passage or an item to check off on a to-do list. We need to remember it is a big commitment that I will only make with someone I want to make that commitment with. And if I'm single, it's because I haven't found the right person. Mind-blowing, eh? And no, the frequency that I receive this question will not expedite the waiting time for my wedding day. All it does is make me feel pressured or as if I'm not progressing with my life enough. So please, stop asking me that. While I haven't found that person, I would like to focus on other things I'd like to accomplish in life if that's okay. And reminding me of that one accomplishment makes it sound like the other things I'm accomplishing aren't important. - How many guys have you kissed?
Invasive question. I have no obligation to share that information. I'm an open-book in the sense that if I want information about me to me exposed, it will be exposed. If I wanted you to know my number, I would've volunteered that information. It's just one of those things that a lot of people use to define others and that's why I choose not to share it with random people. Like if a guy only kissed one girl in his life, he's a noob. If he kissed twenty, he's a ladies' man. If a girl kisses one guy, she's a Molly Mormon. If she kisses twenty, she's a lip slut. We don't know the stories behind each person they kissed or didn't kiss, so we can't just judge and label people based on that. So, it's one of those things I only share it with those I'm close with. I want to be defined by more important things than the number of guys I've kissed, you know. - Have you ever been in a relationship? How many? Do I know them? Why'd you break up?
Why? Why do people obsess over old baggage? I know this one girl and all she ever talks about is her ex-boyfriends; it's really annoying, so I avoid hanging out with her. Don't get me wrong -- I don't think you should forget about past relationships, because they build you, help you get to know yourself, teach you so many lessons you couldn't learn otherwise, and, depending on how it ended, builds friendships. But, I don't think anyone should expose people they dated. Even if you have anything positive to say about them, you can say it the same way you say positive things about any other good friend. Why do people like adding the 'ex-boy/girlfriend' label to other people? Why can't we just call them our friends? - What do you look for in a guy?
In case you're wondering, I do have a list of qualities I look for and flaws I couldn't stand in a spouse. I don't mind sharing some of it with my close girl friends. I do get annoyed when a guy will ask me that though. I'll explain why by making a comparison. What is the difference between applying for a job and pursuing a potential spouse? If you say none, I will slap you. As a soon-to-be-newly-grad, let's be honest: we all look at job postings and adjust our resumés according to it and thus present ourselves in a particular way that's different from the way we do it for other jobs we apply for. With marriage, it's different -- yes, I look for certain qualities, but I prefer someone who presents a certain quality because he's always had it than someone who presents it because I told him I want that quality. So I'd rather not expose that in the "job posting" to guarantee that those qualities are presented for the right motives. Why? Because after you've been with a person, the mask will fall off and the person will eventually only present natural traits they've always had. Now I'm not saying I want somebody who's perfect -- I just want someone to have qualities because they knew for themselves that that quality was important and not because they were told to have it. - How far have you gone/do you go?
I never ask people that question because if they were going far, that's between them and their bishop. It is not my place to hound people and find out how chaste they are for the sake of curiosity. And the annoying part is, when you tell a person you don't want to answer that, they assume you're going far or breaking the law of chastity when really, it's just none of their business. A person can choose to not share that even if the furthest they've ever gone was holding hands. So I'll ask for the same courtesy from your part towards me, if it's not too much to ask.
- What ethnicity do you look for in a guy?
What kind of an ignorant, sheltered, narrow-minded, racist person has racial preferences? I guess it's cuz I'm from Brazil where everyone's a mix of every ethnicity and on top of that, I grew up moving around the world; which means I'm open minded when it comes to that stuff. I'm okay with any ethnicity. If he's attractive, it's because he's attractive -- not because his skin is a certain colour or his hair has a certain texture. In fact, I don't even like the idea of categorizing people into ethnic groups -- why can't people be defined by more important things? I also get SUPER annoyed when people assume that just because I have darker skin, that I like white boys. Or because I'm half-Asian, that I must like Asian boys. Like, really?! - How many kids do you want?
I don't get annoyed with that question, I just get it asked so frequently and I really don't have an answer. It depends on finances, where I live, my husband (cuz, it's not just my own decision.. I kinda want him to take a part in that decision too), my lifestyle, and how much I can handle. My parents thought they wanted more kids when they got married but it wasn't until they started having kids that they really knew how many they wanted and when they were done. - Who do you like?
I'm an open book. If I wanted you to know, I would've told you already. - You should marry someone like this
I think I spend enough time with myself to know more about what I need than you. Obviously, I have close married friends and family so I value their input for sure. Still, the final decision is up to me. - (Unwanted advice)
"You're too picky", "you're young; just enjoy life", "you over-analyze", "you friend-zone everybody", "you should change this", "you need to be happy on your own first", "you're doing this wrong" -- ENOUGH. Especially if you're still single, I really didn't ask for your input. And just because you're married, doesn't mean I want the same relationship you have. (See question 1) - Your wedding should/will be like this
"Kim will have a fancy wedding", "don't do this at your wedding", "you should marry someone who's mom thinks like yours", "marry rich so you can have a nice reception", "I'm excited for your reception! I hope it's as nice as your sister's was", "don't spend more than $4K on just one day!" -- it's funny how these people who volunteer their unasked-for input on MY wedding day (before I even get engaged) will make absolutely no financial contribution to it, other than being an additional expense should I decide to include them on my guest list. With that being said, what makes people think they can just tell me how they want my wedding to be?
- [When commenting on a picture of me and another guy who's about my age]: "aww cute couple!", "who's this??", "is this your boyfriend?"
If I don't update my relationship status when I'm actually dating someone, what makes you think that I will acknowledge your dumb questions that you comment on pictures of me and a dude? Pretty soon I won't be able to post pictures or check-in's with guyfriends. And it's not just comments, I get private messages and texts from people too. Personally, the only relationships worth publishing on social media are engagements and marriages. Thus, please don't expect me to answer your invasive questions about me and some dude I took a picture with. Because even if I was dating him, I wouldn't tell you anyway. - How are things/What's going on with you and [dude name]?
(see questions 8 and 12)
jj I hope you guys don't think I complain too much or that I'm a negative person. I just like ranting you know! If you want to see more positive posts... read a different blog. No, I'm just kidding. My posts are all based on what I'm currently going through in life, and my mood. I need inspiration, or else I can't fully express my opinions to the best of my capacity.
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