My Entrance to the Temple :)

It's been over two months since I received my endowment and the only sign (on social media) that it actually happened was my mother's Instagram post. But, it did happen and I'm excited to tell you all about it... well, at least as much as I can.

Before I received my endowment some people warned me that they freaked out when they received theirs, and that it was weird and cultish. The ones who didn't freak out, on the other hand, thought I would be fine. So I played it safe and prepared myself as much as I could, to make sure I wouldn't freak out. I wanted it to be a spiritual experience.

I fasted 24 hours before leaving to go to the temple. The night before the endowment, I was nervous and upset about something. Because I was upset, I wasn't sure if my heart was in the right place for me to go to the temple. So to invite the spirit, I read some of my notes from when I was preparing and studying for the temple, and I felt this tremendous amount of peace and a burning in my bosom. I knew with all my heart I needed to go to the temple the following day, and that this was just opposition the adversary was throwing at me to try to keep me from going. So I prayed and asked that I could resolve those things that had made me upset so that I could have a positive experience in the temple. And the next day they did resolve!

Before we left for the temple, my dad gave me a priesthood blessing, on my request. I don't remember much of what he said, but I balled my eyes out the entire time and the spirit was incredibly strong, even though he didn't say much about my temple experience. I have it recorded, so I'll listen to it again some time.

When I got to the temple, the temple matron gave me instructions. She asked if I was a member my whole life, to which I said yes. Then she said "oh, so you must've gone through Young Women's and repeated every Sunday that you'd be preparing for this day!" as soon as she said that I began to cry because I realized how special this day was because I had been preparing my whole life for it. I realized my preparation didn't start after I talked to my bishop about it, or during temple prep courses. Every little experience in life -- going through difficult trials these past couple years, moving to Canada by myself and living with non-members, receiving my YW medallion, trying to make good choices as a teenager, reciting the YW theme every Sunday for 6 years, reading the Book of Mormon by myself for the first time, doing baptisms for the dead, being baptized, all the primary songs and lessons, family scripture study and prayer -- ALL these things played a role in my preparation. I needed that many experiences to be prepared, because of how special this day was.

To quote it, the young women theme says "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us, and we love Him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places, as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. We believe that as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."

I cried the entire time during the initiatory. I don't remember anything that was said or even happened, but I just knew I was receiving a sacred ordinance from God. I can't really explain why I cried, or the thoughts I had. I just really felt the spirit! Even remembering it now makes me tear up a little. I hope and pray that I'll always remember it.

I also felt the spirit during the endowment; I didn't cry the whole time like I did during the initiatory, but there were definitely some parts where I felt the spirit and felt glad I packed some Kleenexes in my pocket. If I were to tell an unendowed person what happens in an endowment session, I would say you make covenants, receive instructions, then be "tested" on what you just learned. There wasn't any doctrine that we don't learn in church..  So to me, it doesn't make sense when people say "it was different and threw me off". 

During the session, I felt as though I had been doing/seeing that my whole life; it all felt right and familiar. And when the things that were new to me were presented, I felt as though I was in a dance lesson learning the choreography. I definitely didn't understand the symbolism, but I felt calm and extremely peaceful the entire time. There was nothing too unfamiliar to me to throw me off. In fact, the entire time I kept asking myself "where's the weird part that freaks people out?" So much so that when I realized the session was about to end,  I thought to myself, "that's it? that's what shook some people's testimonies? pffffffft" I feel the same way about my garments; I'm not sure if it just hasn't sunk in yet or what, but wearing them isn't unfamiliar to me and I feel like I've been wearing them my whole life. Sure, I'm just starting to figure out what materials and sizes work for me, but I don't feel like I'm limited by them.

If I could sum up the endowment into just a few simple words, I would say beautiful and sacred. Though I didn't understand anything, I felt extremely calm and peaceful throughout the whole session and it felt right. Not a burning in my bosom or feeling mind-blown; but just a calm reassurance. It's interesting because it wasn't until after a few hours when I pondered on the experience that I felt mind blown and a burning in my bosom -- particularly when I remembered making the covenants. But for some reason the Spirit spoke differently to me at the time. It was beautiful! And the more I looked back at the experience, the more I took away from it... kind of like re-reading your Patriarchal blessing and getting a different meaning out of it every time you do.

When the session was over, my mom asked if I enjoyed it, to which I said, "I guess?" because I was so calm, it hadn't really sunk in. Then she asked, "are you glad you went?" to which I promptly said yes. Sometimes, we don't really understand what we're doing or learning, but deep down we know it's right and that if we continue to walk in obedience, eventually we will. I was at a fireside with a member of the Calgary Temple presidency who said not everyone understands the entire mechanical system of a car, but we know we need one, so we buy it... it's the same thing with covenants; we might not understand them, but we know we must make and keep them.

I felt incredibly happy that I went and I couldn't wait to go back soon because I couldn't remember much that happened or really understood anything. It was weird because as soon as I left the temple, I couldn't remember anything, but later that day as I reflected on it I started to remember and feel the spirit. And as I went again a couple more times, I not only began to understand more, but I craved to go back again the soonest I could. Most people say they understood it the second time way more than the first, but it wasn't the case for me. I was still confused the second time; I just understood it a little more each time I went. Once I got the hang of it and knew what I was doing, my mind and my spirit had more room to reflect on the ordinances and come to understand them.

Many people react differently to their first endowment session. Let's address the people freaking out thing: it's a bunch of baloney. If you take it seriously and prepare for it, you won't freak out. There is nothing weird, funny, or cultish about it. The only reasons someone should feel that way about the temple is if they didn't take the time to prepare for it and/or they lack spiritual maturity. The parts where those people are thrown off by, ended up being the ones I felt the spirit the strongest. I actually find it extremely disrespectful and irreverent for someone to talk about the temple ordinances, something so sacred, that way. I'm sorry to say this, but it reminds me of that scripture in 1 Nephi 16:2: "the wicked taketh the truth to be hard". Wicked would be a harsh way to describe those people, so let's replace it with spiritually immature or unprepared... So, the spiritually immature or unprepared taketh the truth to be hard. Makes sense, right? Here's a more politically correct scripture in D&C 38:30: "(...)if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear". And the good news is, your level of preparation is up to you! Your reaction to the temple is your call and depends on how seriously you take the gospel.

I am grateful to say mine was extremely positive, peaceful, and spiritually uplifting. I mentioned earlier that I wasn't mind-blown or felt a burning in my bosom. In fact, I was a little flustered because I didn't know exactly what I was doing. It even made me wonder if I was prepared to be there because of that. But looking back, here's a sign that I was indeed supposed to be there: I left the temple wanting to become better -- not out of fear because of the serious covenants I had made, but because I felt an indescribably deep, sincere desire to stay close to God. Elder Bednar explained in his last General Conference talk that fear of God isn't to be scared of Him, but to have a deep respect and reverence for Him... and that's exactly how I felt and still feel.

My advice to the unendowed people is to go to the temple! But don't just go; prepare yourself to make those covenants. Make yourself 100% worthy, study as much as you can, develop a strong relationship with God and learn to rely on the Spirit. The more you take your preparation seriously, the better your experience in the temple will be. Do whatever you can to enter the temple doors. Don't let Satan or anyone feed you those lies that you're not good enough to get to that point. Christ took your sins upon himself for that reason! The feeling of walking into the Celestial Room and hugging your family and friends there will confirm to you that what I'm saying is true. Later on I'll make a post about some tips and advice on making the most out of your temple experience!

Love,
Kim